Single Player: Humor, Love, Breast Cancer and a Gaming Girl... Read Online Free
Author: Jamie Nicole
day.
***
Licking. That word sounds foul unless it’s used to describe something a very yummy man is aiming your way in the midnight hours of your dreams. Then, it’s anything but gross… then it’s downright wicked… good wicked. Unfortunately, that is not the pleasurable midnight foray of licking that is currently happening. Master Chief has cleverly shimmied his way between an almost naked version of my BFF and a very naked (under a robe) version of myself, and is doing a tennis match version of lick the face between Ashton and myself. He’s got a really impressive volley going from him to me, me to him, him to me… you get the point. He’s licking us like Roger Federer trying his hardest to win another Grand Slam Title.
I wake first, making all sorts of shooing and cat hissing noises while I’m trying to get my big, burly dog to either settle down or get off the bed. He’s bigger and stronger than me - not to mention I’m outmatched in the number of legs I have by a solid one hundred percent. Ashton wakes up in the same mindset as me: disappointed. He was probably having a sexy licking dream as well, only to realize it’s the gross, slobbery kind of licking from my obviously starving and impatient dog.
Dogs need thumbs. They are so needy sometimes, and I think it’s all from a lack of this one particular appendage. He wants me to turn the knob to let him out, and he’s proved this time and again by flatly refusing to use the doggy door that Ash installed for him shortly after his first birthday. Currently, his complaint isn’t about his bathroom situation but instead about his lack of breakfast. In order to put an end to the tongue thrashing, I’ve got to lift my filthy body up and out of this ridiculously cozy bed and get him his chow.
“He’s your dog! For the love of God woman, get up and feed the beast before he starts humping us to get his point across!” This may be the worst visual ever! “I’M NAKED! YOU’RE ALWAYS SAYING HE LOVES YOU MORE! YOU DO IT!” I’m not sure if I’m shouting the order to scare Master Chief out of here or to annoy Ashton enough to get him to move. Probably both. Neither has been accomplished thus far though, and now to add to my misery the dog’s tap dancing is dragging the blankets slowly but surely off my still-naked skin. I thought I had on my robe? Great! I must’ve stripped it off in my sleep because I’m as naked as the day I was born under these covers.
“Nice work Master, keep it up! Almost there buddy! Daddy needs a new pair of shoes, or to see some naked boobies! WOO HOO! Go Master GO!”
So the douche is back and is encouraging the dog, all in the hopes of seeing more of my girly bits? This has got to be a dream… a sick one where I’m being accosted by both my dog and my EX-best friend! Please be a dream, please be a dream! Nope, there’s a nipple.
“Fine! FINE! FINE!” I jump up shouting and in one smooth motion grab the duvet out from under Master in some mighty herculean expulsion of She-power, thus toppling Ashton off of the bed in the process. Just as Ash hits the floor my crazy dog jumps off the bed and over said friends’ sorry butt. Best. Move. Ever!
I run laughing down the hallway towards my pint-sized kitchen while wrapped up like a blanket burrito, only to find Master Chief good-naturedly waiting for me, dog bowl dangling from his mouth. For the first time this morning he shows that he has the aptitude for patience as he sits nicely in front of the cleverly locked pantry, waiting for me to use my nimble human thumbs to unlock and deliver him his morning bounty. Shortly after getting him I learned that a doggy-proofed pantry lock was paramount. On more than one occasion I got out of the shower to find my otherwise tidy home scattered thoroughly from end to end with kibble, but not anymore. One point human.
After filling my zealous pooch’s bowl and giving him fresh water I turn around only to find
***
Licking. That word sounds foul unless it’s used to describe something a very yummy man is aiming your way in the midnight hours of your dreams. Then, it’s anything but gross… then it’s downright wicked… good wicked. Unfortunately, that is not the pleasurable midnight foray of licking that is currently happening. Master Chief has cleverly shimmied his way between an almost naked version of my BFF and a very naked (under a robe) version of myself, and is doing a tennis match version of lick the face between Ashton and myself. He’s got a really impressive volley going from him to me, me to him, him to me… you get the point. He’s licking us like Roger Federer trying his hardest to win another Grand Slam Title.
I wake first, making all sorts of shooing and cat hissing noises while I’m trying to get my big, burly dog to either settle down or get off the bed. He’s bigger and stronger than me - not to mention I’m outmatched in the number of legs I have by a solid one hundred percent. Ashton wakes up in the same mindset as me: disappointed. He was probably having a sexy licking dream as well, only to realize it’s the gross, slobbery kind of licking from my obviously starving and impatient dog.
Dogs need thumbs. They are so needy sometimes, and I think it’s all from a lack of this one particular appendage. He wants me to turn the knob to let him out, and he’s proved this time and again by flatly refusing to use the doggy door that Ash installed for him shortly after his first birthday. Currently, his complaint isn’t about his bathroom situation but instead about his lack of breakfast. In order to put an end to the tongue thrashing, I’ve got to lift my filthy body up and out of this ridiculously cozy bed and get him his chow.
“He’s your dog! For the love of God woman, get up and feed the beast before he starts humping us to get his point across!” This may be the worst visual ever! “I’M NAKED! YOU’RE ALWAYS SAYING HE LOVES YOU MORE! YOU DO IT!” I’m not sure if I’m shouting the order to scare Master Chief out of here or to annoy Ashton enough to get him to move. Probably both. Neither has been accomplished thus far though, and now to add to my misery the dog’s tap dancing is dragging the blankets slowly but surely off my still-naked skin. I thought I had on my robe? Great! I must’ve stripped it off in my sleep because I’m as naked as the day I was born under these covers.
“Nice work Master, keep it up! Almost there buddy! Daddy needs a new pair of shoes, or to see some naked boobies! WOO HOO! Go Master GO!”
So the douche is back and is encouraging the dog, all in the hopes of seeing more of my girly bits? This has got to be a dream… a sick one where I’m being accosted by both my dog and my EX-best friend! Please be a dream, please be a dream! Nope, there’s a nipple.
“Fine! FINE! FINE!” I jump up shouting and in one smooth motion grab the duvet out from under Master in some mighty herculean expulsion of She-power, thus toppling Ashton off of the bed in the process. Just as Ash hits the floor my crazy dog jumps off the bed and over said friends’ sorry butt. Best. Move. Ever!
I run laughing down the hallway towards my pint-sized kitchen while wrapped up like a blanket burrito, only to find Master Chief good-naturedly waiting for me, dog bowl dangling from his mouth. For the first time this morning he shows that he has the aptitude for patience as he sits nicely in front of the cleverly locked pantry, waiting for me to use my nimble human thumbs to unlock and deliver him his morning bounty. Shortly after getting him I learned that a doggy-proofed pantry lock was paramount. On more than one occasion I got out of the shower to find my otherwise tidy home scattered thoroughly from end to end with kibble, but not anymore. One point human.
After filling my zealous pooch’s bowl and giving him fresh water I turn around only to find
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