means.â
âGrandfather made it all in Malaya, you know,â he said, as if everyone else did. âTin mostly. When he came back to London to retire he couldnât abide the climate and died within a fortnight. My father, who knew absolutely nothing about business and had no intention of learning, simply looked up the most conservative bankers he could find in the City and told them to take care of things. They still do. Barbaraâs also rich.â
âWheat,â she said. âThousands of acres of Kansas wheat.â
âI feel like Tacky Tom at Rich Rolloâs party,â I said.
âNot to worry,â Trippet said. âItâs just that when we get to my perfectly marvelous idea, I want you to rest assured that we can handle the necessary financing.â
That brought us up to the coffee and brandy, but it still took a while to get to the point.
âThat chap at the party with the Plymouth,â he said.
âWhat about him?â
âPathetic case really. Yet typical.â
âHow?â
âMost middle-aged Americans, Iâve noticed, attach an inordinate amount of sentiment to the first car that they owned. They may not remember their childrenâs birthdays, but they can tell you that first carâs year, model, color, even date of purchase, and exactly what they paid for it down to a dime.â
âProbably,â I said.
Trippet took a sip of his brandy. âMy point is that there is scarcely an American over thirty whose life hasnât been touched in some meaningful way by a particular make and model of carâeven if he only lost his virginity in it despite an awkwardly located gear lever.â
âIt was a 1950 Ford convertible and the gear shift didnât seem to bother anything,â Trippetâs wife said. âIn Topeka.â
Trippet ignored her. âSnobbery, greed and status play an important role, too. I know of a lawyer in Anaheim who is actually hoarding five 1958 Edsels. Hoarding, mind you, waiting for their price to rise. Another chap I heard of retired at thirty-five from whatever he was doing, something profitable, Iâd venture, and began to collect Rolls-Royce. Why? Because he liked âbig things,â big houses, big dogs, big cars. Such temperaments are perfect for exploitation.â
âHere it comes,â his wife warned me.
âIâm braced,â I said.
âWhat I propose,â Trippet went on, not in the least perturbed, âis that we establish one of the nationâs most useless, unneeded businesses.â
âSomething like the ski lodge?â his wife said.
âTo the young,â he continued, âwe become vendors of snobbery and status. To the old and middle-aged we cater (or rather pander, donât you think?) to their nostalgic yearning for the past. We provide them a tangible link with yesterday, with that time when not only their cars were simpler, but also their world.â
âHe does talk pretty,â I said to Barbara.
âHeâs just warming up.â
âHow do you like the proposition?â Trippet asked.
âInteresting, I suppose. But why me?â
âObviously, Mr. Cauthorne, you donât care a fig about carsâno more than I. You have a most presentable appearance and you also have twenty-one sturdy relics safely garaged in East Los Angeles which we can use for bait.â
âBait for what?â
âFor suckers,â his wife said.
âFor future clients,â Trippet said. âMy idea is that we establish a garageâno, not a garage. Thatâs too plebeian a word. We establish a clinic. Yes! We establish a clinic that specializes in restoring junkers to their original, pristine condition. Note that I stress the word âoriginal.â For instance, if a microphone to the chauffeurâs speaker were needed for a 1931 Rolls, we would not settle for a microphone that was used inâsayâa