She'll Take It Read Online Free Page A

sexy.”
    â€œWhat?” But she’s gone. And she’s totally thrown me. I want this job with a passion—I would die without it (and therefore without milk) and how in the world can I be passionate and not sexy? It’s just not possible. I am exuding sex right now—I am bathing—make that drowning in sexual milk.
    But there’s no time to assimilate a nonsexual connection to milk. I was ushered into the room in front of two stern-looking people, a man and a woman bearing clipboards and number two pencils like warriors wielding their swords and shields.
    â€œSay your name for the camera,” the man said.
    â€œMelanie Zeitgar.”
    â€œOkay—you didn’t let me finish.” He threw a look to the woman who rolled her eyes and shook her head. I suddenly hated milk again and I started to sweat. “When the little red light goes on you will say your name for the camera, wait two beats and then deliver the line. Okay?”
    â€œSure.” Two beats. Okay that’s like counting to two, right? But is it one, two or one Mississippi, two Mississippi? Shit. I wondered if I should ask? Would asking make me appear confident or terrified?
    â€œMiss?”
    â€œMMM DA MILK!” I shouted before I could stop myself.
    â€œYour name is first and then the line—after the little red light,” he said impatiently.
    â€œCalm down a little” the woman added. “Take a deep breath.”
    I smiled and breathed deeply to show how capable I was of following directions.
    â€œOkay red light. When it comes on, speak.”
    I had the sudden urge to bark like a dog, and the thought made me giggle. And then I tried to stop giggling and it made me giggle all the more. And then the little red light went on and even though I was laughing so hard I was barking like a seal, I said my name and I delivered the line. And because of my inappropriate laughter, the word milk came out more like mulk . Mmm, MULK. Does the body gud. Incidentally, had I been drinking milk at the time, it would have been coming out of my nose.
    â€œCan I do that again?” I started to say, but like a roller-coaster you’ve waited in line for (all freaking day in the scorching sun), the audition had lasted a few rattling moments, plunged downhill at the speed of light, and jerked to an abrupt end. A skinny assistant dressed in black appeared out of nowhere and yanked me out by the elbow. “Next!” the man with the clipboard bellowed as if a straight jacket awaited me in the hall. And as I was being escorted out, I could hear the woman say, “Is it just me or did she sound Russian?”
    I immediately hauled my humiliated self to the ladies’ room. Don’t worry , my little voice said, you can use this humiliation another time. Do you see how sick we actors are? The thought actually cheered me up a little. And there was Kim Minx at the bathroom sink, crying her eyes out.
    At first I thought she was just thinking about a dead childhood pet, but my trained eye quickly realized this was more than a sense memory practice. “Are you okay?” I asked softly. Her watery eyes met mine in the mirror. “Those bastards!” she screamed. “Those fucking milk bastards.” She hung her head and really sobbed. Her long blond hair was dangling in the sink. I was about to pat her on the back when she suddenly whirled around and stuck her chest out so that I ended up patting her left breast instead. I quickly took my hand away.
    â€œThey think they’re not even!” she cried, sticking her chest out even farther. “Are they? Are they even?”
    I glanced at her breasts and hesitated. The truth was, the left one did look a little bit bigger than the right. But she was so devastated and distraught that I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
    â€œThey said that?” I asked horrified.
    â€œNot exactly,” she admitted. “But I know he was thinking