ShameLess Read Online Free Page A

in time, so he wasn’t able to see me prying or spying on him. Whew! Thank the sweet Lord and all of his Angels above. Angels…
    Immediately I am taken back to the verse engraved on my friend’s headstone. Thanks for having my back again, Elle.
    Seconds pass. I glimpse around the oak to sneak a peek while my heart slows down. I see him. He is sitting now. His head is hanging, and he is running a hand through his dark wavy strands. He appears agitated. Maybe he did see me? Nah, I honestly don’t think he did.
    Fuck! It’s him!
    Now, I can’t take my eyes off of him. He looks like a Greek god, especially how, on bended knee he looks like a statue, and the sunlight shadows his face. I’m more intrigued. I can only see his back, but his broad shoulders expand against his cotton T-shirt. It is snug as the sleeves hug his bicep muscles. Damn! He was so incredibly arrogant at the Dr.’s office. Now, he seems fragile, nearly lost. I just want to head over there and hug him tight, letting him know he will be all right. Then again, who am I kidding? I am just now making my first visit to see my best friend after two full years. Maybe his loss has been hard on him, too. This makes me feel even sadder for him. Strangely and ironically, I feel closer to him, despite how he acted earlier. At that time, I wouldn’t have cared if I had ever seen him again. Now, my heart is breaking for him.
    Okay. I am actually starting to freak myself out. I am standing in a cemetery, scrutinizing some hot guy, probing into his business, and acting as if I give a crap after how he treated me earlier. The fact is that I do give a crap. Why? I have absolutely no freaking clue. I shouldn’t care one iota. Yet, here I stand, peeping out behind the protection of an aged oak, watching and stalking him. Yes! I am officially a creeper.
    “Oh Elle, wouldn’t you just razz my shit over this?” If only you were listening. If only you could.
    I steal one last gander at my newfound ‘mystery man’, taking in the hot Greek god in his entirety, then take off in the direction of my car.
     

 

     
     

 

     
     
    I feel exhilarated and yet weighted by having to say, ‘farewell’ to my friend. It is temporary, I know. I think the visit itself was necessary. It provided me a greater emotional liberation than I ever expected. Many things flood my mind as I continue driving, and my thoughts are hurdling back and forth between points of view. Like a blender, feelings and experiences mix, swirling together and clouding my judgment. I leap between visiting with Elle straight over to spying on my ‘mystery man’. Despite having had two entirely different experiences with him, and knowing his name, he puzzles me.
    One side of him portrayed in the office is that of an egotistical ass. I am not impressed with this one. The other, more softened and vulnerable, revealed itself clearly while mourning. I favor the sentimental one. This side of him is the one diffusing the narcissistic one. This one appeals to me. It shows me brokenness in him that resembles my own, allowing me to relate to him. Obviously, we both see the same psychiatrist so he must be sort of a head-case, like me. I am particularly fascinated. What are his issues? Why does he see my doc? Why were he and I at the same cemetery? I shake my head, trying to clear the cobwebs starting to form by all of these questions. Ugh!
    My mind travels back in time, pouring over the past two years of my life. I managed to attend our local University, getting my general ed classes out of the way. I tried not to focus on the poisoning sickness drowning me, otherwise known as depression, and grief, or all of the harassment. Not to mention, I am still trying to figure out who I really am. Some of the same kids from my high school followed me there, never letting me let go of that night nor the rumors that sparked their malicious gossip. I did not return to high school after the accident. My parents hired a private