Sex, Lies & Nikolai Read Online Free Page B

I’m just another number, another soul scraping to survive another day. And I’d happily struggle for the rest of my life if it meant Scarlett would thrive, but she’s in the same shitty boat as me, and I don’t know how to break the mould.
    Life isn’t a fairy tale.
    College was never in my cards.
    Jobs will never come easy to find.
    There is no prince charming itching to rescue me.
    I’m completely alone, destitute and destined to struggle until the end of my days.
    Destined to be sucked into a world of debt because, as much as I’m pushing away the only option that sits in front of me, it’s truly the only one I have.
    Nikolai.
    Fuck my life.
    I throw my jacket back on and leave the apartment. I knock on Roberta’s door and she opens it seconds later, looking tired and withered.
    Roberta is in her mid-sixties, and I’m burdening her constantly by asking her to look after Scarlett. I know she would never say no, but I also know she secretly wants a day to herself without the hassle, only I have no choice. I need Roberta. I don’t trust anybody else. I don’t know what I would do without her.
    I must be pale and as sick looking as I feel because Roberta’s face falls and she asks with concern, “Are you okay, Alina?”
    I nod once. “Yes, I’m just hoping you can look after Scar for me. She’s already in bed, so there’s nothing that needs to be done. I won’t be long either.”
    “It’s late.”
    “I know.”
    “Where are you going?”
    “I…I have some things to take care of.”
    She looks at me warily. “What things, Alina? Are you in any trouble?”
    “No, nothing like that. It’s just… she left again, and she took the last of my money.”
    “Oh, lord,” Roberta mutters under her breath, a flash of disapproval in her eyes. “Why did you let her out of your sight?”
    “She’d been off the drink for a week, Roberta, and she was fine looking after Scarlett. I had no one else and I had to work. I needed more money because I’m short on bills and there’s nothing left in the house to eat. I was supposed to come back and get groceries, not find her gone with all my money.”
    “You can never trust an alcoholic.”
    “I know that now. What was I supposed to do? If I can’t pay the bills, I’m screwed. You weren’t home either. I had no choice. None. ” Tears are threatening to spill as I unload. I’m so stressed. I was barely hanging on as it was, and now I’m lower than I’ve ever been before and left having to explain myself.
    “Don’t let go of your dignity, Alina.”
    “I’m not going to whore myself.” I don’t say this in a sarcastic or offended way. I’m a hundred percent serious because it’s not unusual around here for girls to linger around corners and wait for cars to slide into.
    The thought chills me, but that desperation wouldn’t be far from my reality in a couple days of no food.
    Roberta sighs, her eyes dimming slightly, but she nods back. “Alright.” She says it in a defeated way because she knows I have no one else.
    “Thank you,” I tell her sincerely.
    She throws her robe over her pyjamas and tells me to be careful. Then she disappears into my unit and I take the elevator down to the ground level and hurry outside. It’s cooler than before and dark out, so I shove my hands into my pockets and make sure to look away every time I pass someone on the sidewalk.
    I’m different when I’m outside at night. I’m more careful, more guarded. My emotions are hidden with expertise because the creeps on the street can smell fear. And I’m not afraid of them. Really, I’m not.
    I’m afraid of starvation.
    Of homelessness.
    Of not being able to care for Scarlett.
    That’s scarier than any man with wanting eyes.

Chapter Four.
     
    I’m standing across the street and staring at the front of the pawn shop. It’s nine at night and the lights are still on, and there are people inside his shop, an unremarkable looking place with a faded sign and barred