Secrets of My Hollywood Life: There’s No Place Like Home Read Online Free
Author: Jen Calonita
having just finished shooting a potential blockbuster with George Clooney
and Brendan’s so-called best bud, Robert Pattinson.
“Kayla Parker as Zoe!” Pete yells, as if he’s introducing the Jonas Brothers. As Kayla saunters past me, I hear whistles.
“Show-off, ” grumbles Sky. Kayla is gorgeous, and Sky is a tad jealous, even if she won’t admit it. Kayla is the classic Barbie
doll come to life. Tall, blond, and thin, with measurements that would make even the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models envious. Kayla is definitely the show hottie. She’s also a model-turned-actress doing her first show and
as such, her face is definitely the draw. Her acting, not so much. Sky, of course, likes to harp on that.
“Sky, stop pouting,” I tell her lightly and fidget with the drop-waist peach silk tunic by Twenty8Twelve that my microphone
is hidden in. I’ve got on black leggings and tall Gucci black buckle boots too. Our show stylist has the cutest clothes for
us to wear. It’s all stuff I wear in everyday life too, so sometimes I forget whose clothes are whose! “Pete said you get
announced last, which means you’re the most important person in our cast.”
This makes Sky smile. She smooths her dark hair, making sure not to get any strands caught in the dangling green gem earrings
she’s wearing, and stares down at her feet. She’s wearing Tory Burch ballet flats. I’m not sure the average college freshman
could afford those, but Sky is happy to have them on. “I know you put Pete up to it.” Sky’s eyes flash at me, and I play innocent.
I did put Pete up to it. He wanted us to walk out together, but I thought Sky could use an ego stroke. She lost out on a Vanity Fair cover this week to Scarlett Johansson and she’s been a little depressed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I insist and make sure my ponytail is in tight. Last week during filming it fell
out, and we had to stop rolling.
“Please help me welcome Kaitlin Burke as Hope!” Pete’s voice rings in my ears.
I wink at Sky and then run out from the back of the soundstage, forcing the reporters to turn around. I stand next to Brendan
and Kayla in front of the dorm room set while the media applaud. We have four sets total—Hope and Taylor’s dorm room, Brew,
a coffee hangout on campus, the R.A. room, and the cafeteria. (We have other sets too, but those are put up and ripped down
as needed.) Above my head are hidden lighting fixtures, and in front of me is the camera crew. We also do some scenes outdoors
on the back lot so that our show will appear more “real.”
Originally Small Fries was supposed to be a multicamera comedy taped in front of a live audience. Then suddenly single-camera shows became all the
rage (think Modern Family ), and our producers quickly retooled us. I would have been happy either way, since I’m used to the live audience thing thanks
to the Broadway play I did last summer, Meeting of the Minds . I used to get worried when producers and studios retooled projects, but now I realize they second-guess themselves just
like I do. The biggest mistake the networks ever made (in my opinion) is still fresh in everyone’s mind.
I’m talking about Leno-Conan gate.
If you thought it looked messy from your living room, you should have seen what was going on here in town. There was Team
Coco (aka Conan) and Team Jay, and it felt like everyone had an opinion and their secrets.
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TWO: For all the joking Sky does about collecting a nice paycheck, at the end of the day, good work
is not about the money. The Leno-Conan debacle made Hollywood remember that. You had two guys who loved what they did and
despite the payouts they would have gotten to probably go away quietly, neither of them did. There was Conan, who obviously
loved his new gig very much and was sad to see it go, and then there was Jay, who has so many millions he could have retired
years
and Brendan’s so-called best bud, Robert Pattinson.
“Kayla Parker as Zoe!” Pete yells, as if he’s introducing the Jonas Brothers. As Kayla saunters past me, I hear whistles.
“Show-off, ” grumbles Sky. Kayla is gorgeous, and Sky is a tad jealous, even if she won’t admit it. Kayla is the classic Barbie
doll come to life. Tall, blond, and thin, with measurements that would make even the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models envious. Kayla is definitely the show hottie. She’s also a model-turned-actress doing her first show and
as such, her face is definitely the draw. Her acting, not so much. Sky, of course, likes to harp on that.
“Sky, stop pouting,” I tell her lightly and fidget with the drop-waist peach silk tunic by Twenty8Twelve that my microphone
is hidden in. I’ve got on black leggings and tall Gucci black buckle boots too. Our show stylist has the cutest clothes for
us to wear. It’s all stuff I wear in everyday life too, so sometimes I forget whose clothes are whose! “Pete said you get
announced last, which means you’re the most important person in our cast.”
This makes Sky smile. She smooths her dark hair, making sure not to get any strands caught in the dangling green gem earrings
she’s wearing, and stares down at her feet. She’s wearing Tory Burch ballet flats. I’m not sure the average college freshman
could afford those, but Sky is happy to have them on. “I know you put Pete up to it.” Sky’s eyes flash at me, and I play innocent.
I did put Pete up to it. He wanted us to walk out together, but I thought Sky could use an ego stroke. She lost out on a Vanity Fair cover this week to Scarlett Johansson and she’s been a little depressed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I insist and make sure my ponytail is in tight. Last week during filming it fell
out, and we had to stop rolling.
“Please help me welcome Kaitlin Burke as Hope!” Pete’s voice rings in my ears.
I wink at Sky and then run out from the back of the soundstage, forcing the reporters to turn around. I stand next to Brendan
and Kayla in front of the dorm room set while the media applaud. We have four sets total—Hope and Taylor’s dorm room, Brew,
a coffee hangout on campus, the R.A. room, and the cafeteria. (We have other sets too, but those are put up and ripped down
as needed.) Above my head are hidden lighting fixtures, and in front of me is the camera crew. We also do some scenes outdoors
on the back lot so that our show will appear more “real.”
Originally Small Fries was supposed to be a multicamera comedy taped in front of a live audience. Then suddenly single-camera shows became all the
rage (think Modern Family ), and our producers quickly retooled us. I would have been happy either way, since I’m used to the live audience thing thanks
to the Broadway play I did last summer, Meeting of the Minds . I used to get worried when producers and studios retooled projects, but now I realize they second-guess themselves just
like I do. The biggest mistake the networks ever made (in my opinion) is still fresh in everyone’s mind.
I’m talking about Leno-Conan gate.
If you thought it looked messy from your living room, you should have seen what was going on here in town. There was Team
Coco (aka Conan) and Team Jay, and it felt like everyone had an opinion and their secrets.
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TWO: For all the joking Sky does about collecting a nice paycheck, at the end of the day, good work
is not about the money. The Leno-Conan debacle made Hollywood remember that. You had two guys who loved what they did and
despite the payouts they would have gotten to probably go away quietly, neither of them did. There was Conan, who obviously
loved his new gig very much and was sad to see it go, and then there was Jay, who has so many millions he could have retired
years
Readers choose
Sophie Duffy
Karin Slaughter
Eric J. Hobsbawm
Missy Jane
Chinua Achebe
Randi Cooley Wilson
Jill Sorenson
David C. Cassidy
Sol Stein