people to see what I see myself. I should just be glad that Iâve been born with an artistâs eye.
Thinking now about that tree in the Tate Modern exhibition made me wonder whether I could create figures of people out of metal⦠I could feel that the idea Iâd got at the back of my mind was struggling to come forwards, but it wasnât there yet, and as the others headed towards the main building, I fell behind, pictures of metal installation people filling my head. It wasnât till Grace stopped to wait for me and said, âSee you after English, Jess,â that I came back to earth with a horrible bump, and the light that had been glowing inside me went out.
Iâm in a lower set than the others for English, maths and science. I usually like to sit about halfway back in lessons. I think thatâs the best place for having the least chance of being picked on to answer questions. I was in between two girls called Isis and Lily today, but they were both talking to the people on either side of them, while I felt myself shrinking in the middle as I watched Mr. Reeves, the teacher, with a growing feeling of nervousness. He had a pile of official-looking booklets on his desk, and was slotting a piece of blank paper into each. Around me, the class chattered on.
They didnât even stop when Mr. Reeves started walking round, giving out the booklets. But then gradually the dreaded word âtestâ started spitting out of the chatter, like fat from a frying pan.
âYes,â said Mr. Reeves, as he returned to his desk. âQuite right. Youâre having a test today.â
I gulped and lifted the booklet up to feel how thick it was. Then I wished I hadnât, because it was several pages and I knew that would be impossible for me to get through in one lesson.
âNow the reason for the test,â went on Mr. Reeves, âis purely and simply because we want to find out about your reading levels.â My heartbeat doubled. âYouâve got precisely thirty minutes and I think most of you will find thatâs quite enoughâ¦â I was sure his eyes flicked in my direction on the words â most of youâ, but maybe that was because heâd seen me looking petrified at the thought of only having thirty minutes, not even the whole lesson. âYouâll find when you start reading the booklet that itâs like a comprehension test, with certain things to underline in the text and other things to write down on the sheet of paper. The instructions are perfectly clear.â
Yes, if you can read them. My spirits slid down to the floor.
Mr. Reeves looked at his watch, then glanced up sharply to remind us in a no-nonsense voice that we must, of course, work in silence. âRight, in a moment you will be starting the test and I shall tell you when there are ten minutes left to go, and then five minutes, and finally one.â There was a dramatic pause. âYou may now begin.â
My heart hammered as I opened the booklet and looked at all the words and words and more words inside. Was it a story? It didnât have a title. I ran my finger very slowly under the first few words.
Read the flowing passageâ¦
The flowing passage? Something about a stream or a river flowing along?
â¦then a swear the questions.
Questions. I could read that word easily as Iâve seen it so often, but what had that got to do with swearing or a river?
I went back to the beginning and broke down each word carefully, which was when I realized it wasnât the flowing passage , it was the following passage . Right, so I had to read the passage, then do something about swearing the questions. That couldnât be right. I made myself keep calm and sound out every letter. I still couldnât manage the one that looked like swear , but I kicked myself when I realized it was obviously answer , because of the last word being questions . Right, so all I had to do was read