Searching for Sylvie Lee Read Online Free Page B

sure if we had truly loved each other or merely the versions of ourselves we had seen reflected in the other’s eyes—as if we had acted out a play together, both of us player and audience alike. I was what he had dreamed of as well: someone who had gotten into Princeton based on drive and brains alone. My lack of connections and money had reassured him that he too had made it there on his own.
    My heart ached at this realization. The revelations and drama of the past week had gone straight through my marrow and bone. Who was the man I had married: Jim, James, or someone else I never knew at all?

Chapter 5
    Amy
    Monday, May 2
    M y palms are wet and clammy and my heart is running a marathon inside my chest. The robust security guard behind the desk stares at me as if she’s wondering whether I should be at a mental hospital and not at the high school where Jim works. I give her my name. She calls him, listens to something on the other end of the line, and says he’s unavailable.
    “Please,” I say. “H-his sister, I mean, my sister—”
    “I can’t help you, ma’am,” she says. Her tone is polite but firm. “Please exit the school premises.”
    I stand outside and wait among the pushing, writhing crowd of raucous teenagers for what feels like hours. A group of them lean against the gate, smoking pot; the musky odor clings to my hair. Jim will come out for his lunch break. He’s one of those overly energetic people who’s always taking long walks or jogging places when he should be resting like a normal person. I hate myself for waiting. Why didn’t I have the guts to elbow my way into the school? I’m nauseous with worry about Sylvie yet still a coward. How could Jim be unavailable? He’s family and Sylvie is missing.
    Finally, I catch a glimpse of his light hair. It’s immediately visible, like an albino rabbit. He’s surrounded by adoring teenage girls, mostly Latino and African American, all laughing up at their cute young guidance counselor.
    “Jim!” I call out. When he finally sees me, he immediately averts his eyes and shoves his way in the opposite direction.
    I am so shocked that it takes me a second to move. Jim is rather broad, and the girls tag along, still chatting, so it takes him longer to worm through the crowd than me.
    I maneuver myself in front of him so he can’t avoid me. “Hey, Jim!” The teenagers take one look at my strained face and disperse.
    “Oh, hi, Amy,” he says with a weak smile. I have never seen him look so terrible, not even when he was in grad school and pulling all-nighters. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair greasy, and he’s sporting a few days’ worth of stubble.
    “I-I tried to see you at school but you weren’t available.”
    He rubs his hand over his forehead as if he’s tired. “What? I was in a meeting all morning. I wasn’t even told you were here.”
    I press my lips together but decide not to confront him about this. What would be the point anyway? “Where’s Sylvie? Have you seen her?”
    A fire engine screams past us, distracting me, sirens blaring. When I turn back to Jim, his gaze is calm. Was he surprised at my question? “She’s still abroad, isn’t she?”
    “Our cousin Lukas says she flew back this past weekend, but no one can reach her. I was just at your apartment and it looks like nobody’s been there for ages. What’s going on?”
    He pinches the bridge of his nose like he’s in pain. “She didn’t tell you? Of course not.”
    “Tell me what?”
    “We’re separated.”
    “What?!” That was too loud. The kids standing nearby are staring at us now. Images of a happy Sylvie and Jim flash through my mind. We spent this past Christmas at their house.
    Jim bends closer to me and lowers his voice. “Since March. She kicked me out, Amy.”
    “Why?” My eyes narrow. “What did you do?”
    He holds up his hands in protest. “Look, you know Sylvie’s not the easiest person in the world.”
    The blood rushes to my head.