Save the Last Bullet for God Read Online Free Page B

wildflowers. As I went skipping into the hospital,
I couldn’t make up my mind on how to carry the flowers or where to
put them.
    I carefully placed my purchases in the
cabinet of the nurses’ room and put on my hospital uniform. After
standing in front of the mirror and parting and re-parting my hair
several times, I gave up and left the office.
    When I saw Eldwin, I quietly approached him
and politely put my payment of one pill in his pocket. Not looking
back, I strode down the hallway, intent on finishing my rounds as
quickly as possible.
     
    …
    At long last, the tranquility of night fell
upon the hospital. I did my best to suppress a little smile as I
set off for the women’s ward with the cream cake in my hand, the
chocolate in my pocket, and the flowers cleverly stowed under my
coat. I had a short conversation with the nurses at the desk and
presented them with the cream cake, saying, “I felt like sharing
this with you.” Then, I detoured into Room 16 and wandered around
killing time. I tried to amuse myself by rehearsing what I would
say. When I thought it was late enough, I left the room.
    Trying to remain calm and controlled, I
opened the door of Room 17. My heart lurched in my chest as my eyes
scanned around uselessly until they grew accustomed to the dark. I
felt a deep sense of relief when I saw the bed by the window. Maria
was there, awake, and looking outside again. It seemed there was no
one else in the room. I headed directly toward her. She turned her
face to me, and out of the darkness, I saw a little smile.
    “Well . . . Hi, how are you?” I said.
    “I’m fine. It has been four nights and two
days, you know?”
    I set two coffee cups on the table next to
the bed, and I took the vase and flowers from under my coat and
handed them to her, smiling. Her elegant hands took the flowers out
of the paper and put them inside the vase with slow, but
deliberate, movements.
    I sat and Maria and I stared at the darkened
sky beyond the barred window catching glimpses of small stars
beyond the trees. We sat in silence sipping warm coffee and pulling
pieces of chocolate from the creased foil between us. The only
disturbance that night was the delirious muttering of the old woman
in the next bed sleeping with her eyes open.The whole experience
seemed forbidden, as if, at any moment, the spell might be broken.
I could barely look at the beautiful girl next to me. I just
remained still and savored the sound of her breathing.
    “Can you tell me something?” I asked in a low
voice.
    “What?” she answered quietly after a long
silence.
    “Is it true that those from the outer world
talk to you?”
    “I . . . I’m scared, and . . . how can I say
. . . whomever I try to tell, even my closest friends and family,
cast me away. They don’t believe me; they even get angry with me.
It is all my imagination, they say. I want to hold on to life and
live on without telling anyone anything. If it’s possible . . .
yes, if it’s possible, I don’t want to see these delusions anymore.
You never know how bad it makes you feel when the person right next
to you doesn’t see or hear the same things as you.”
    “What do you mean?” I asked.
    “I’m tired of wondering whether I’m the only
one who hears a sound. How can you describe the smells, colors, and
sounds in your head? How can you explain this to someone else? I
look at the moon and I say, ‘It’s there,’ but I don’t believe in it
until I ask you and you confirm ‘Yes, the moon is really there.’
And if you say ‘I don’t see it,’ I must reluctantly accept that
what I see as the moon is not there. Does everything exist because
we perceive it? If so, then it does not exist if we don’t perceive
it.”
    “I never thought about it like that.”
    “Are there people who think like that?” Her
face turned to mine.
    “I think so . . .,” I said, trying to
encourage her. “I read a few articles about quantum physics but
it’s not a subject that I