Samuel Johnson Is Indignant Read Online Free Page B

it, the chicken was overdone and tasteless, the cherries hard, etc.
    She expects him to contradict her, but instead he listens carefully and adds that the noodles, also, were “somehow wrong.”
    She says, “I’m not a very good cook.”
    She expects him to assure her that she is, but instead he says, “You should be. Anybody can be a good cook.”
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    Old Mother sits dejected on a stool in the kitchen.
    â€œI just want to teach you something about the rice pot,” says the Grouch, by way of introduction, as he stands at the sink with his back to her.
    But she does not like this. She does not wish to be his student.
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    One night Old Mother cooks him a dish of polenta. He remarks that it has spread on the plate like a cow patty. He tastes it and says that it tastes better than it looks. On another night she makes him a brown rice casserole. The Grouch says this does not look very good either. He covers it in salt and pepper, then eats some of it and says it also tastes better than it looks. Not much better, though.
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    â€œSince I met you,” says the Grouch, “I have eaten more beans than I ever ate in my life. Potatoes and beans. Every night there is nothing but beans, potatoes, and rice.”
    Old Mother knows this is not strictly true.
    â€œWhat did you eat before you knew me?” she asks.
    â€œNothing,” says the Grouch. “I ate nothing.”
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    Old Mother likes all chicken parts, including the liver and heart, and the Grouch likes the breasts only. Old Mother likes the skin on and the Grouch likes it off. Old Mother prefers vegetables and bland food. The Grouch prefers meat and strong spices. Old Mother prefers to eat her food slowly and brings it hot to the table. The Grouch prefers to eat quickly and burns his mouth.
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    â€œYou don’t cook the foods I like,” the Grouch tells her sometimes.
    â€œYou ought to like the foods I cook,” she answers.
    â€œSpoil me. Give me what I want, not what you think I should have,” he tells her.
    That’s an idea, thinks Old Mother.
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    Old Mother wants direct answers from the Grouch. But when she asks, “Are you hungry?” he answers, “It’s seven o’clock.” And when she asks, “Are you tired?” he answers, “It’s ten o’clock.” And when she insists, and asks again, “But are you tired?” he says, “I’ve had a long day.”
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    Old Mother likes two blankets at night, on a cold night, and the Grouch is more comfortable with three. Old Mother thinks the Grouch should be comfortable with two. The Grouch, on the other hand, says, “I think you like to be cold.”
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    Old Mother does not mind running out of supplies and often forgets to shop. The Grouch likes to have more than they need of everything, especially toilet paper and coffee.
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    On a stormy night the Grouch worries about his cat, shut outdoors by Old Mother.
    â€œWorry about me,” says Old Mother.
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    Old Mother will not have the Grouch’s cat in the house at night because it wakes her up scratching at the bedroom door or yowling outside it. If they let it into the bedroom, it rakes up the carpet. If she complains about the cat, he takes offense: he feels she is really complaining about him.
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    Friends say they will come to visit, and then they do not come. Out of disappointment, the Grouch and Old Mother lose their tempers and quarrel.
    On another day, friends say they will come to visit, and this time the Grouch tells Old Mother he will not be home when they come: they are not friends of his.
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    A phone call comes from a friend of hers he does not like.
    â€œIt’s for you, angel ,” he says, leaving the receiver on the kitchen counter.
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    Old Mother and the Grouch have quarreled over friends, the West Coast, the telephone, dinner, what time to go to bed, what time to get up, travel plans, her parents, his