Romance of the Snob Squad Read Online Free Page A

alone with a baby animal. I said, “I think by the end of sixth grade we’re supposed to do more than watch eggs hatch. Now, if we could
clone
a duck…”
    Lydia said, “Yeah, right. Who do you think we are, Einstein?” She paused and smiled. “Maybe we could clone Mr. Vance. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Jenny?” She wiggled eyebrows at me.
    I zinged a carrot at her.
    Max interrupted the ensuing food fight. “Could we train animals? Is that science?”
    “Sounds like science to me,” I said. “Does anyone have an animal?”
    Lydia said, “You have a puppy.”
    I just looked at her.
    “You don’t have a puppy? But I thought… oh.”
    No one ever accused Lydia of being quick-witted. “Last year I had Petey, my hamster,” I said. “But, as you all know, he died on Halloween.” Everyone lowered their heads in respect.
    “Wait here.” Max propelled herself to her feet and launched out of the minivan. Her army boots crunched gravel on the way to her house.
    Lydia snapped a carrot in her teeth and said, “Maybe Max has a cloning kit.” She grinned at me.
    “Wouldn’t surprise me,” I said. Nothing Max did surprised me. I take that back. Everything Max did surprised me.
    “C-could we b-borrow an animal?” Prairie said. “My cousin Butch has an iguana.”
    “I’m not touching any lizards,” Lydia said. “They’re infested with bacteria. Didn’t you hear about those kids at the zoo who got food poisoning from touching the monitor lizard?” She shivered.
    “Huh?” Prairie and I both frowned at her.
    “They touched it, then they sucked their fingers,” she explained.
    “Why didn’t they just b-buy a Popsicle?” Prairie asked.
    I laughed. Lydia clucked. “Good one, Prairie,” I said. “What could you teach a lizard? ‘Hey, slimy. Roll over. Play dead. Pretend you touched a human and got food poisoning.’ ”
    Prairie giggled. Even Lydia cracked a smile. Just then Max returned with… not a cloning kit. Something more interesting. A caged rat.
    Lydia screamed.
    “His name’s Harley,” Max said. “ ’Cause I found him out by the Harley-Davidson parts. Here, Harley. Here, boy.” She wiggled her index finger at him through the chicken wire. He sniffed it. “I bet we could train him. He’s real smart. I saw on
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
, where these trained rats played basketball.”
    “You watch
Bill Nye, the Science Guy?
” Lydia widened her eyes at Max.
    Max’s eyes widened back. “Doesn’t everyone?”
    Prairie said, “N-not me. I hate science.”
    Max looked at me.
    “It’s on the same time as
Oprah
.”
    “Horrors,” Lydia mocked me. “You can’t miss
Oprah
.”
    I shot back at her, “What do you watch?
Barney
?”
    Max snickered.
    “No,” Lydia mumbled.
    “Then what?” I said.
    “Nothing.” Her cheeks turned pink. “I’m not allowed to watch TV.”
    “At all?” we intoned in unison.
    Lydia’s spine stiffened. “It’s poison for the brain, my mother says. And she should know. She’s—”
    “A child psychologist,” we all droned.
    “Well, she is,” Lydia said weakly.
    “Bill Nye’s not poison,” Max replied. “He’s educational.”
    “Same difference,” I muttered.
    Lydia snuck me a thank-you smile.
    Leadership is such a trip. “Anyway,” I sighed wearily, “getting back to the project, you think we could train Harley to play basketball, Max?”
    “Nah,” she said. “That’s been done. We can teach him to play chess.”
    I laughed. We all laughed. Except Max.
    “You’re not serious,” I said.
    “Why not?”
    “We only have three weeks,” Lydia replied. “I’m not sure
I
could learn to play chess in three weeks.”
    “Then it’s a good thing we’re not trying to train you,” Max said.
    Lydia tensed.
    “She’s kidding, Lydia,” I said. “But chess, Max? I don’t know. Who are we going to find to play against him?”
    “Yeah. Bugs Bunny?” Lydia crunched off a chunk of carrot and chomped noisily.
    My palm