Revenge of the Cootie Girls Read Online Free Page B

equally between the gravitational pull of two competing black holes. It’s a cosmic standoff. This gravitational hammock nestles the inhabitants at such a point that their atoms virtually stop degenerating. Time has almost stopped. The downside is, everyone weighs a lot more,” she said. “Did I tell you about the free-floating inhalable fat molecules that hover about the planet, and during electrical storms the fat gets emulsified and falls to the earth in big mucusy globs, like so much frog spawn?”
    â€œStop! You’re making me hungry.”
    She said something else, but I didn’t hear her. I thought I saw Kathy come in with another girl. When they moved out of the shadow of the doorway, I saw they were just a couple of tourist girls, loaded down with bags from Shubert Alley gift shops.
    â€œIt’s almost eight. Where is Kathy? She’s never late,” I said.
    â€œShe knows to come here, right?” Tamayo asked, a note of irritation in her voice.
    â€œYeah, we discussed it yesterday and I left a reminder on her voice mail this morning before I left L.A.”
    â€œYour answering machine at home was off today. Maybe she called, and when there was no answer, she used that as an excuse to flake and go out with some brooding boys instead of her boss.”
    â€œNo, she wanted to go out with us.”
    â€œOf course she’d say that to you.”
    â€œShe did. I told you, she looks up to me.”
    â€œWell, yeah, she looks up to you. That’s why she can’t be herself around you. She wants to impress you. What fun is that?”
    For all of a week, I’d been Tamayo’s boss. She just wouldn’t take my being her boss seriously—she literally laughed out loud when I gave her orders—and when it became clear we could be friends or boss-employee but not both, she decided that she should devote herself to comedy. A half-hour before I was told to fire her for yet another smoking infraction, she quit.
    I was ready to go back out to the giant coffee cup when Tamayo sighed deeply and said, “Hand me your phone. What’s her number?”
    She dialed and got Kathy’s answering machine. “Kathy, this is Tamayo, Robin’s friend. We are at Hojo’s and heading down soon to the parade. Then we’re going to get you roaring drunk and we’re going to rumble with some sailors.” Tamayo winked at me. “Call us at—” and she left my cell-phone number.
    â€œWe’re covered now,” she said.
    â€œI have such a bad feeling …” I said.
    â€œYou worry too much,” Tamayo said, and because I didn’t have enough to worry about already, she tried to distract me with talk of our friend Claire’s problems. Claire had recently broken up with a rising-star congressman, which had made her uncharacteristically hysterical, and shopaholic. The latest news was that a thinly disguised version of Claire was also in Solange Stevenson’s book and Claire was not thrilled about it. (Reportedly and surprisingly, I was not in her book.) As a comic, Tamayo had to be childlike. Union rules. So she was proud to be the standard-bearer for Pippi. But Claire was a high-profile reporter who, of late, had worried about her reputation.
    But between the two, Kathy and Claire, I was more worried about Kathy. For some reason, I thought everything would turn out wonderfully in Claire’s life. I called home. There was one new message, from Mike, saying he’d definitely be in town for the weekend and hoped we could get together.
    I called my voice mail at work and heard: “Robin, this is Kathy.” Kathy was speaking in a loud whisper, sounding like she was trying not to giggle. “I know I’m supposed to meet you, but I’m in this man’s closet and, don’t laugh, his wife just came in and … Oh, gotta go!”
    The machine beeped and I heard: “October 31, 7:54 P.M. ”—the