Retief Unbound Read Online Free

"This is far from
the case," he said. "I—"
    The communicator burped softly.
    "Confound it." Spradley
muttered. "Yes?"
    "Mr. T'Cai-Cai has
arrived," the voice said. "Shall I—"
    "Send him in, at once."
Spradley glanced at Retief. "Only a two-syllable man, but I shall attempt
to correct these false impressions, make some amends . . ."
    The two Terrestrials waited
silently until the Yill Protocol chief tapped at the door.
    "I hope," the Ambassador
said, "that you will resist the impulse to take advantage of your unusual
position." He looked at the door. "Come in."
    T'Cai-Cai stepped into the room,
glanced at Spradley, then turned to greet Retief in voluble Yill. He rounded
the desk to the Ambassador's chair, motioned him from it, and sat down.
    "I have a surprise for you,
Retief," he said in Terran. "I myself have made use of the teaching
machine you so kindly lent us."
    "That's good," Retief
said. "I'm sure Mr. Spradley will be interested in hearing what we have to
say."
    "Never mind," the Yill
said. "I am here only socially." He looked around the room.
    "So plainly you decorate your
chamber; but it has a certain austere charm." He laughed a Yill laugh.
    "Oh, you are a strange breed,
you Terrestrials. You surprised us all. You know, one hears such outlandish
stories. I tell you in confidence, we had expected you to be over-
pushes."
    "Pushovers," Spradley
said tonelessly.
    "Such restraint! What pleasure
you gave to those of us, like myself of course, who appreciated your grasp of
protocol. Such finesse! How subtly you appeared to ignore each overture, while
neatly avoiding actual contamination. I can tell you, there were those who
thought—poor fools—that you had no grasp of etiquette. How gratified we were,
we professionals, who could appreciate your virtuosity—when you placed matters
on a comfortable basis by spurning the cats'-meat. It was sheer pleasure then,
waiting, to see what form your compliment would take."
    The Yill offered orange cigars,
then stuffed one in his nostril.
    "I confess even I had not
hoped that you would honor our Admirable so signally. Oh, it is a pleasure to
deal with fellow professionals, who understand the meaning of protocol."
    Ambassador Spradley made a choking
sound.
    "This fellow has caught a
chill," T'Cai-Cai said. He eyed
    Spradley dubiously. "Step
back, my man, I am highly susceptible.
    "There is one bit of business
I shall take pleasure in attending to, my dear Retief," T'Cai-Cai went
on. He drew a large paper from his reticule. "His Admirableness is determined
that none other than yourself shall be accredited here. I have here my
government's exequatur confirming you as "Terrestrial Consul-General to
Yill. We shall look forward to your prompt return."
    Retief looked at Spradley.
    "I'm sure the Corps will
agree," he said.
    "Then I shall be going,"
T'Cai-Cai said. He stood up. "Hurry back to us, Retief. There is much that
I would show you of the great Empire of Yill." He winked a Yill wink.
    "Together, Retief, we shall
see many high and splendid things."
     

SEALED ORDERS
     
    ... In the face of the multitudinous threats to the peace arising naturally
from the complex Galactic situation, the polished techniques devised by Corps
theoreticians proved their worth in a thousand difficult confrontations. Even
anonymous junior officers, armed with briefcases containing detailed
instructions, were able to soothe troubled waters with the skill of experienced
negotiators. A case in point was Consul Passwyn's incisive handling of the
Jaq-Terrestrial contretemps at Adobe ...
    Vol. II, reel 91 480 A. E. (AD
2941)
     
    "It's
true ,"
Consul Passwyn said, "I requested assignment as Principle
Officer at a small post. But I had in mind one of those charming resort worlds,
with only an occasional visa problem, or perhaps a distressed spaceman or two a
year. Instead, I'm zoo-keeper to these confounded settlers, and not for one
world, mind you, but eight." He stared glumly at Vice-Consul