ReCAP: A NORMAL Novella Read Online Free Page A

off, but I hug
her tightly. She cries against my chest, still trying to push me
away, and I rub my arm up and down her back, whispering for her to
calm down, that I'm not going to hurt her - that I would never hurt
her.
    I squeeze my eyes shut and
continue my mantra. Telling her that she's fine. That we're fine. That I would
never hurt her. I am desperate to keep her safe, and it's a
visceral, physical need to protect her, even from her own
fear.
    I'm terrified that I'm
doing the wrong thing. That holding a girl against her will –
especially one who's been abused – even in a hug, is probably a
really bad idea.
    But I can't let her go.
    Slowly her breathing grows
deeper, calmer, and her trembling eases. Her arms gradually make
their way around my back, until she's holding onto me, gripping my
shirt and clutching me to her. The relief I feel is immeasurable,
and I just continue to hold her, rub her back, and whisper
reassurances.
    I feel overwhelmed. Too many emotions swirl
through me - rage at whoever did this to her, compassion for her
suffering, and not least of all, a deep, unexpected anguish. I
think my eyes even water, though I honestly can't remember the last
time I cried, but it couldn't have been more recently that a decade
ago.
    "That's it, Ror. See? You're okay," I
whisper, masking my emotional reaction as best I can.
    I move my fingers to her hair, stroking it
softly, and we stand there, holding each other in the empty library
for long minutes.
    Eventually one of her hands releases my
shirt, and I look down to find her reaching for the front pocket of
her backpack where I know she keeps her pills. But she doesn't need
them. She's not panicking. She's okay.
    "You don't need them, Rory. Look at you.
You're fine. You're calming down. You don't need a pill," I tell
her, and she actually listens.
    Finally, she pulls back to look at me, and I
hope I look composed enough. I don't want her to see me rattled. I
want to be a rock for her - someone she can lean on, not someone
she needs to worry about.
    She releases her other
hand and I relax my grip on her, though I don't especially want to.
I hate the reason she's here, but I have to admit she feels good in
my arms. My chest feels too-full, and I swear there's a tangible,
physical pull between it and her. It's like nothing I've ever felt
before, and, I realize, I wish we could have something more than a
friendship. Of course I've wished that from day one, but now it
isn't only a physical attraction, it's something deeper – something
I barely even understand.
    "You're okay," I promise her.
    She nods, and it's beautiful. I back away,
fighting my instincts to keep her as close as possible. But she
blushes again, this time in shame.
    "Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" she says, but I
won't have any of it.
    "It's fine, Ror. I mean it," I say intently,
hating the way she shakes her head.
    "Oh, God," she cries. She falls into a chair
and drops her head in her hands, but I kneel in front of her.
    "Hey." I try to get her
attention, but she shakes her head again. I need to get through to
her. I won't allow her to be embarrassed over that. That wasn't her
fault. That whoever hurt is to blame. And, if anything, she should
be proud as hell that she just beat a panic attack without having
to rely on her medication. It's crazy – she's the toughest girl I
know, and she has no idea. "Hey," I say again, and though I
hesitate, I take a gentle hold of her wrists and pull them down so
she has to look at me.
    I wait for her to meet my eyes, and she
looks so helpless in this moment, so innocent and hopeless that it
tugs at something inside me. I've never been so affected by another
person, but this girl somehow just has an invisible hold on every
part of me.
    When I speak, I do so
slowly and carefully. "I should have told you when Pitser left. I
didn't realize it would matter," I tell her honestly. "That's my
fault. I didn't think. I am the one who is sorry, okay?" And I won't fucking let it