Primperfect Read Online Free Page B

And I don’t want ‘a boyfriend’. I want the real thing. Love, or something that I think is love right now. Someone who likes me and wants me and thinks that the stupid stuff I say and sometimes do is somehow charming. Someone who will be as close to me as Joel is but who I will also want to do sex things with and to. Not loads of sex things. But some definite sex things. Cosy, consensual, mutually enjoyable sex things.

    Reading Mum’s old romances has given me strong guidelines as to how it should be. Except without the brawny (yet weirdly progressive in terms of open-mindedness and personal hygiene) Viking protagonist kidnapping me and taking me to his keep as a hostage, with whom he ultimately falls in love. Not that that isn’t nice to think about sometimes, but I have no desire to actually be kidnapped, even if it is by a sexy Viking with a booming laugh who will shower me with mead and gilded pleasures for years to come. However, I do want to have a love story, even if it’s a tragic one. I don’t think anyone will ever make me as sad as Dad made Mum, though.
    I think that my losing her has made the worst sad happen early and maybe everything else will hurt, but not as much, because after that it all has to be less. I can’t feel any more grief than I already have. I think my body would refuse it and shut down and just stop responding to stimuli. I’m not sure, though. It’s just a feeling. A hunch. I think I’m right, though. I think that I am bullet-proof somehow, in terms of drama. Except for the whole not-talking-to-Joel thing, which makes me cry like maybe once a week.

It has been six weeks since I walked in on Fintan with his tongue down Gillian’s throat. She’s going to move out as soon as she finds someone else to take the room. I would like to kill the both of them. But I am not going to because I am the bigger person here.
    Quote from Prim’s mum’s diary
    ast-Dad is a horrible man. He has been steadily making moves on Mum’s house-mate, and Mum has been pretending not to notice, while totally noticing and obsessing about it. She’s just walked in on him with Gillian and he’s pretending that it’s nothing but it is very, very something indeed. It is all quite sad. I feel kind of weird about talking to Dad about the cheating, though, because it’s all over and done with and in the past and he has been a pretty good dad to me, even if he is hardly ever a good boyfriend to anyone. I don’t like to think of him being a friend-groper, though. Shudder. I wish I could talk to Joel about it, but I suppose I’ll just have to hold it in and bring it up next time I see Caroline.
    Which is Thursday week. I wonder if I can hold it in that long? I’d tell Ciara, but I’m not sure she could keep it secret and also she has a big thing about cheaters and how they are scum and all that, so I think she would probably get quite snotty with Dad if she knew about his historical handsy-ness.
    I love reading Mum’s diaries. I love that there are bits of her that are left to me, that I can still learn from and love. But at the same time, there is a reason that parents don’t share everything with their kids. And that reason is because they probably don’t want to gross them out completely. And also their entitlement to a private life, etc.
Dear Joel
I have found some scandalous gossip from the past in Mum’s diary. If you will accept my apology to Karen and be my friend again I will tell you what it is.
Prim
Dear Prim
I can’t BELIEVE you’re using your dead mother’s diaries to blackmail me. That’s low, even for you. You are a selfish person and I am better off without you in my life. Joel
Don’t be like that.
I am the way I am – a proud gay man, and your homophobic bullying of Karen and general bad treatment of me in other ways has made me realise how much you were holding me back.
I have