Prayers for the Dying (Pam of Babylon Book Four) Read Online Free

although she would deny it and the others ignored it. If it could be considered a flaw, Pam was shorter, barely five and a half feet, in a household of tall people. It made the rest of the family protective of her.
    “Nonny, are you coming down tonight?” She hugged her grandmother, almost jumping up and down with excitment. “Dad, you know what’s going to happen, don’t you! Did Jack call you? Did he try to get in touch with you in any way?” Her eyes were sparkling, a smile almost as wide as her face betraying her attempt at composure.
    She entered the sitting room, dragging her grandmother along by the hand. “He’s going to ask you tonight, Dad, Jack is. He’s going to ask you if we can get married.” She swung around to look at her grandmother. “I feel like a fool, but I am so thrilled and have to hide it from the others because they’ll tell him I am acting like this!” She started laughing, giggling almost, and Frank and Genoa laughed along with her. Frank knew when she said “the others,” that is was really about Nelda. She’d find a way to expose Pam’s excitement about her upcoming engagement. The only people on earth Pam felt safe with was her father and grandmother.
    Genoa looked at her son, concerned. The girl should be able to be herself in front of the young man, shouldn’t she? Frank, as though reading his mother’s mind, frowned and shook his head no to his mother.
    “He never got in touch, Pam. Did he tell you he was going to call me?” Frank asked.
    “No, I just thought he might. Maybe he isn’t going to ask me tonight.” She had a doubtful expression on her face. “How embarrassing. I may have misunderstood him.” To be with Jack meant putting aside her need for emotional security. He was on the continuum of Pam’s unearned trust. He was more than domineering; he was both intimidating and secretive. She had to accept at face value that he wanted to be with her, that he loved her, that he thought she was special. For months she had observed him, had watched him watching her. Something about him spoke to that part of her that was confident, that said, I am worth his adoration . Pam had hidden strength and she didn’t yet know what its origins were. But she wanted Jack. She wanted what he was capable of giving her, which was more than financial security, the envy of other women, and a family. A marriage to him meant freedom from her roots. He made it clear from the beginning that he wanted someone to have his children and make him a home while he built his financial empire.
    “Tell me now that you don’t want a life with me and we can end it. I won’t waste your time and you won’t waste mine,” he said. Pausing, and then putting his arm around her—they were sitting on his bed in his Midtown apartment—he went on. “Well, what do you think? Babies with me? The ride of your life? Or an ordinary existence. Plain. Blah. Boring. I guarantee you will never be bored with me.” Pam turned her head away from his eyes; she didn’t want him to see her smiling, almost smirking. He had such a goddamned big ego! She thought for just a second. What had been her one desire from the time she could recall memory? A home and a family completely different from the one she was born into.
    “Yes, I want children. Two of them, a boy and a girl.” She stopped because possibly that was going too far. She’d been the recipient of his derision in the past over things she’d said. She held her breath. What other kind of children were there ? she could hear him ask. But the ridicule didn’t come. She felt his body shaking; was he laughing at her? She slowly turned her head to look at him and he was crying, unabashedly sobbing, with tears rolling down his cheeks. She had never, ever seen a man cry before. Paralyzed, she didn’t move at first, not sure what to do for him. She took his hand and held it until he was able to calm down.
    “Well, I’m a very lucky man if you really mean it,”