Play It Again, Spam Read Online Free Page A

put it, are the result of one too many facelifts."
    I clamped a hand over my mouth, lest my other foot try to get in as well. I should have known better, of course. I've seen
    movie stars whose eyelids close automatically whenever they open their mouths. The Good Lord only gave us so much skin to
    play around with, for heaven's sake.
    "Oh, that's all right," Samantha said quickly. "I'm not at all embarrassed by the subject. I had a face lift so I could look
    younger for my public. Many people don't realize it, but concert pianists are celebrities. We have fans. We have images to
    uphold."
    I must say that I had never thought about concert pianists being celebrities. No doubt she was right, however; the mountain
    of luggage her husband had piled next to the front desk confirmed her celebrity status. I made a mental note to be nicer to
    Vladimer next time he called asking to reserve a room.
    A car door slammed outside. Then another. Then the sound of raised voices, possibly even an argument.
    "It seems like the next batch of guests has arrived," I said brightly.
    "Please, miss," John Burk said, reaching for the as yet unproffered key. "Could we hurry this along a bit?"
    Those were the first words the man had said. I was beginning to think his was a forced retirement from the history
    department at Duquesne. Mute professors have got to be a liability.
    I stared at him. He was taller than me, and I'm five-ten. He was a good fifty pounds overweight, something I cannot be
    accused of being, and had scarcely any hair. Trust me, I have plenty of that, and in all the right places. But there was something
    ominous about him, something I can only describe metaphorically. John Burk looked like he walked around with a little rain cloud,
    not much larger than a powder puff, suspended above his head.
    "What a charming accent," I finally said. "Are you originally from Minnesota?"
    For a split second he looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. "You have an excellent ear, Miss Yoder. I was
    indeed born in Minnesota."
    "Minneapolis?"
    "New Bedford - a tiny little town on the Canadian border. I'm sure you've never heard of it. Anyway, I consider myself a
    Pennsylvanian now."
    "Welcome to Pennsylvania, dear."
    He grimaced. "I've lived here for fifty years. No doubt that's longer than you have."
    I wrinkled my considerable nose. "No doubt, dear."
    "Miss Yoder, is there any way to hurry this along? I have a migraine headache and would really like to lie down."
    "Hold your horses," I said sweetly, "your credit card company has me on hold."
    The diminutive Samantha put a comforting hand on if her husband's arm. "You go on up to the room, dear. I'll finish up down
    here."
    He gave her a quick kiss that seemed stiff and unnatural, and snatched the key from my hand.
    "Well, I never!"
    He strode off without as much as a grunt of apology.
    "Third room on the right," I yelled at his back, "and be careful going up those impossibly steep stairs. I'm not liable if you take
    a tumble."
    Actually, I probably am. I don't know what possessed me to have the same wickedly steep stairs rebuilt in my new inn -
    although I did have them carpeted to make them less slippery. A woman had fallen to her death on the old stairs, for crying out
    loud. Perhaps it was nostalgia - not for the corpse, mind you - but for life as it used to be. Before the inn blew down, before I
    married Aaron Miller, who was already married, thereby consigning myself to the rank of unwitting adulteress.
    "What an evil man," I muttered.
    "Please excuse him," Samantha said earnestly. "John is really a friendly, outgoing man. It's just that these headaches can be
    so debilitating."
    "Just the same - "
    "I brought those books you asked for," she said smoothly.
    "You did?"
    "They're in one of these bags. I'll get them for you the second I unpack."
    "Great!"
    The Burk credit card cleared. I jotted down the confirmation number and handed her the slip to sign.
    "Anyway, I was speaking of my