Out of the Blue: Six Non-Medication Ways to Relieve Depression (Norton Professional Books) Read Online Free
Author: Bill O'Hanlon
more flavor.
In a similar way, but with less cholesterol, I suggest marbling discussions and evocation of non-depressed times and experiences in with discussion of depressed times and experiences. This way we don’t just evoke and deepen the depression, and we also avoid losing contact with the depressed person by not listening to her or invalidating or minimizing her suffering. By going back and forth between investigations of depressed experience and non-depressed experience and times, the person who has been depressed is reminded of resources and different experiences, and often begins to feel better during the conversation.
William Styron, who almost killed himself while going through a serious depression because he had become convinced that he would never come out of that painful state, put it this way after he recovered: “Mysterious in its coming, mysterious in its going, the affliction runs its course, and one finds peace” (Styron, 2008). But in the middle of it, one often forgets that there is any other place, or any experience other than unremitting bleakness and pain. It can be a lifeline to people in the midst of depression to have even a glimmer of the possibility that there will be experiences outside depression.
One of the first ways I suggest implementing marbling is to discover, with the person who is depressed, a map of her depressed times, thoughts, actions, and experiences as well as a map of her non-depressed times, thoughts, actions, and experiences. This is like asking the person to join you as a co-anthropologist of her life so that she can help you learn about the contours and geography of her suffering but also of her competence and better moments.
Let me give you an example. While traveling to do a workshop in another city, I was asked to do a consultation with a woman, Cindy, who was spinning her wheels in therapy. Cindy would get stuck in severe depressions on a regular basis and would basically stop functioning, quit her job, and become very dependent on her therapist, whom she would call many nights during the week in the depths of despondency and desperate for help. This had happened with several therapists in different places in which Cindy had lived as an adult, and she was just about driving her current therapist to her wits’ end. The therapist told me, “I feel like Cindy is sucking the marrow out of my bones, she’s so needy.”
I began my conversation with Cindy by asking what had brought her to therapy. She said she would be fine, feeling confident and competent, and then she would get depressed, losing her sense of confidence and sleeping until noon. There didn’t seem to be anything she or the therapist could do. The depressive episodes typically lasted about two months, after which the depressed feelings would begin to lift and she would pick herself and resume her life.
I asked her to compare and contrast the more confident and competent times with the depressed times, and the following picture began to emerge:
During her depressed times, Cindy:
•Stayed in bed until noon
•Got up, but stayed in her night clothes
•Sat in her living room
•Ate breakfast cereals all day
•Did nothing
•Talked only to her therapist and one male friend (who was also depressed)
•If working and beginning to feel depressed, went to lunch alone
•Thought about how she was getting worse and how she might have to move in with her father and step-mother if she couldn’t care for herself, or even be committed to a psychiatric institution if they couldn’t care for her or got tired of her
•Took her shower and got dressed in the evening
During her confident and competent times, Cindy:
•Got up, showered, and dressed before 9 A.M.
•Went to work or met a friend for breakfast
•Did art or played music
•Spent time with her girlfriends
•Met a girlfriend for lunch if she was still working
•Gave herself credit for small or big accomplishments in the recent past
In a similar way, but with less cholesterol, I suggest marbling discussions and evocation of non-depressed times and experiences in with discussion of depressed times and experiences. This way we don’t just evoke and deepen the depression, and we also avoid losing contact with the depressed person by not listening to her or invalidating or minimizing her suffering. By going back and forth between investigations of depressed experience and non-depressed experience and times, the person who has been depressed is reminded of resources and different experiences, and often begins to feel better during the conversation.
William Styron, who almost killed himself while going through a serious depression because he had become convinced that he would never come out of that painful state, put it this way after he recovered: “Mysterious in its coming, mysterious in its going, the affliction runs its course, and one finds peace” (Styron, 2008). But in the middle of it, one often forgets that there is any other place, or any experience other than unremitting bleakness and pain. It can be a lifeline to people in the midst of depression to have even a glimmer of the possibility that there will be experiences outside depression.
One of the first ways I suggest implementing marbling is to discover, with the person who is depressed, a map of her depressed times, thoughts, actions, and experiences as well as a map of her non-depressed times, thoughts, actions, and experiences. This is like asking the person to join you as a co-anthropologist of her life so that she can help you learn about the contours and geography of her suffering but also of her competence and better moments.
Let me give you an example. While traveling to do a workshop in another city, I was asked to do a consultation with a woman, Cindy, who was spinning her wheels in therapy. Cindy would get stuck in severe depressions on a regular basis and would basically stop functioning, quit her job, and become very dependent on her therapist, whom she would call many nights during the week in the depths of despondency and desperate for help. This had happened with several therapists in different places in which Cindy had lived as an adult, and she was just about driving her current therapist to her wits’ end. The therapist told me, “I feel like Cindy is sucking the marrow out of my bones, she’s so needy.”
I began my conversation with Cindy by asking what had brought her to therapy. She said she would be fine, feeling confident and competent, and then she would get depressed, losing her sense of confidence and sleeping until noon. There didn’t seem to be anything she or the therapist could do. The depressive episodes typically lasted about two months, after which the depressed feelings would begin to lift and she would pick herself and resume her life.
I asked her to compare and contrast the more confident and competent times with the depressed times, and the following picture began to emerge:
During her depressed times, Cindy:
•Stayed in bed until noon
•Got up, but stayed in her night clothes
•Sat in her living room
•Ate breakfast cereals all day
•Did nothing
•Talked only to her therapist and one male friend (who was also depressed)
•If working and beginning to feel depressed, went to lunch alone
•Thought about how she was getting worse and how she might have to move in with her father and step-mother if she couldn’t care for herself, or even be committed to a psychiatric institution if they couldn’t care for her or got tired of her
•Took her shower and got dressed in the evening
During her confident and competent times, Cindy:
•Got up, showered, and dressed before 9 A.M.
•Went to work or met a friend for breakfast
•Did art or played music
•Spent time with her girlfriends
•Met a girlfriend for lunch if she was still working
•Gave herself credit for small or big accomplishments in the recent past
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