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risks are pretty irrelevant right now,’ I said, and lit us both up, noticing that my supply was coming to an end. I’d only brought a single pack, as lately I’d cut my intake down to eight a day, but now that there were only four left, I wished I’d brought more, even though they wouldn’t survive the drenching in the sea we were planning for a few hours’ time.
    â€˜I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter,’ he said, and I could tell from the expression in his eyes that he meant it. That was the thing about Crispin. There was a real kindness about him, and it made me wonder how I could ever have suspected his involvement in this.
    I sighed. ‘It was the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life. Including this, believe it or not. At the time I genuinely didn’t think I could get through it. I just wanted to die. And I felt like that for a long time afterwards, but the thing is, you do get through it. You survive, and you carry on.’
    â€˜I’m sorry about Marla and Luke earlier, too. You know, the fact they didn’t believe you about Charlie. I know you were telling the truth.’
    â€˜Is that because you saw what was outside the window?’
    He frowned. ‘You looked?’
    I nodded.
    â€˜So you saw the heads. I’m glad you didn’t say anything to the others. I don’t think Marla especially can handle much more of this.’ He drew on the cigarette, blowing smoke towards the ceiling. ‘It’s funny, isn’t it? When we were at uni, I always felt that Luke and Marla were the strong ones. And now look at us.’
    â€˜You’re strong, Crispin. I don’t know about me.’
    â€˜Jesus, Karen, you’ve survived everything that life’s thrown at you, including being the one to discover the murdered bodies of two of your friends in the last twenty-four hours, and you’re still keeping your head. You, my girl, are a strong woman.’
    He smiled at me then and, even in the midst of this nightmare, I felt a warm glow.
    I took his hand, gripping it hard, and I think I would have tried to kiss him but I saw his smile fade a little at the prospect. Whatever I might have liked to think, Crispin was Marla’s man.
    I removed my hand and took a sip from the rapidly cooling tea. ‘So, how did you and Marla meet up again?’
    I could tell he wasn’t keen to talk about it but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily now that I had him alone. I needed to know.
    â€˜It was pure coincidence really. I was at a bar in the West End – I can’t even remember which one now – with some mates, and Marla walked in with a bunch of her friends. We spotted each other, got talking and stayed in touch afterwards.’
    â€˜How long ago was that?’
    He looked at me sadly. ‘A long time. Maybe fifteen years.’
    I worked hard to suppress the hurt. ‘And you’ve kept in contact ever since?’
    â€˜No.’ He paused for a moment, presumably wondering how much to tell me. ‘I’ll be honest. We hit it off and, even though we were both in relationships, we started seeing each other. I finished with the girl I was with but Marla was married at the time, so it was harder for her.’
    â€˜You had an affair.’
    â€˜Don’t judge, Karen. I’m not that kind of man, you know that, but things… things just went out of control, like they did with you and Charlie. Eventually, after about a year, Marla left her husband and we moved in together.’
    He waited for me to say something. But I didn’t. I let him talk.
    â€˜We lived together for about a year. It might even have been longer. We were going to get married, too, once her divorce came through, but I suppose it wasn’t meant to be because things didn’t work out and we finally split up. We stayed friends, but I moved to France after that so we