No-One Ever Has Sex On A Tuesday: A Very Funny Romantic Novel Read Online Free Page B

beers later?” Ian asked. “I need to drown my sorrows seeing as I’ve been denied coming to the match with you tomorrow.”
    “Absolutely. You have no idea how much I need it too,” replied Matthew.
    Ian was talking nineteen to the dozen but Matthew had switched off momentarily. The beer had done its job and painted the world a sunnier colour. He smiled a little smile, feeling relaxed and almost carefree, a feeling that had become a stranger of late. He had called Alison when he got to his hotel room. The conversation had been short and terse. He had promised that he would drive back straight after the match tomorrow which rather put a dampener on the free booze he could have been drinking.
    “Are you listening mate? Christ you were miles away. I was just saying that Chris is leaving and you should go for his job. Get yourself back up here.”
    “Sorry, I was listening really. Yeah maybe. Not sure Alison could cope with a move at the moment though. Besides it might feel a bit weird coming back to where I grew up. I was invited to a school reunion tonight as it happens but I thought it would feel a bit strange. Full of all the tossers I never talked to anyway, telling everyone how well they are doing.”
    “School reunion? Did you say school re-union? You mean to tell me we’ve been out all this time with me trying to drag a smile onto your pathetic down-trodden face when I could have been pouncing on the easy prey of thirty-something women who have been married just long enough to realise that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be?” Ian leant back in his chair, put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. “I can see it now. There’ll be hundreds of them gagging for it. All hoping for a snog from their childhood crush who will transport them from their domestic hell to the fairy tale life they were promised by Enid Blyton. Of course they will be gutted because dream boy will have grown an enormous gut by now clearing the way for a poor, recently divorced, charming young man like me to console the desperate young ladies.”
    He opened his eyes again and looked at Matthew with a serious expression on his face. “Hopefully of course they will have piled on the pounds too, and be a bit depressed about it making them very grateful for some male attention.”
    Ian sprang up from his chair.
    “So what are we waiting for?” he asked Matthew, starting to put on his coat.
    “You didn’t even go to the school,” protested Matthew.
    “Aw bollocks to that. I’ll pretend I joined in the fourth year. No one ever remembers the late comers. Come on, let’s go.”
    “No really, I don’t want to go.”
    “Why? It’ll be a laugh, and you get to dance to Spandau Ballet with some old girlfriends. Or is that the problem? Did you go out with some right mingers you’re too embarrassed to let me meet? I bet that’s it isn’t it?”
    “Actually I only went out with one girl at school. That’s the problem really; we didn’t exactly finish on good terms,” said Matthew, surprised to find his cheeks starting to feel hot.
    “Oh come on, how long has it been? Nearly twenty years? She’ll be married, fat, stretchmarks up to her ears, flashing photos of her little darlings to all and sundry. She won’t give a damn about some long forgotten school fling.”
    Ian dropped to his knees and clutched at Matthew’s arm.
    “Don’t deny me this chance of a shag mate, I might never forgive you,” he pleaded.
    Matthew had to laugh at Ian’s sheer optimism. He wasn’t exactly god’s gift although he did seem to have the gift of the gab. Sod it, he thought. Who knows when he would next get the chance for a night out. And Ian was right. If Katy was there it had all happened so long ago that she would either have forgotten about him or at the very least forgiven him for how it ended. Not that he had ever really forgiven himself. His stomach still lurched when he thought about it, which was surprisingly often as he was