No-One Ever Has Sex On A Tuesday: A Very Funny Romantic Novel Read Online Free

this time. Any distraction or diversion he attempted to provide to calm her down was met with utter disdain and a look of withering contempt. She failed to understand how on earth he could talk about anything other than getting pregnant, let alone suggest something as trivial as her travelling with him to Leeds and seeing the match with him on Saturday.
    He fleetingly remembered the time when his heart would have leapt at the sight of Alison’s name flashing on his phone screen. But that was a different Alison. That Alison had mesmerised him: so cool and calm and sophisticated, and yet still interested in him. That Alison, who had made him feel like the king of the world simply by resting her perfectly manicured hand on his arm. Whose determination to get somewhere in life had slowly re-educated his chaotic take on how to go about the business of living. That Alison, who ever so gently, had encouraged him to settle into a career rather than jobbing from one company to the next, invest in his own property rather than renting with his mates, go out to dinner rather than down the pub, buy wine from the top shelf not the bottom, read the broadsheets rather than the tabloids, all the kinds of stuff that proper grown-ups did.
    As for this Alison… She had had her cool, calm sophistication sucked mercilessly out of her to be pumped full to the brim of fear, doubt and a crippling sense of failure. That Alison had not tolerated failure. This Alison had absorbed the knowledge that she was not able to conceive naturally like a sponge, soaking up every negative feeling she could possibly connect to discovering her body was defective. She had become nervy, edgy and obsessive.
    Deciding to start fertility treatment had briefly revived the old Alison as she sensed a whiff of regaining control. She attacked the whole thing as she would a full-time job, the relief of being able to do something practical written all over her face. She took reassurance in the fact that no-one could have researched it more than her, no-one could have prepared her body better than her, no-one was more careful than her each time they went through the process. Slowly but surely, however, the relief had faded from her face to be replaced initially with a distinct hue of disbelief followed by a constant black cloud of plain and fear as time and again her body refused to fall in line with what she so desperately wanted.
    Matthew braced himself before he touched the pick-up button ready for another minefield of a conversation.
    “Hiya,” he said, trying to sound as bright and breezy as possible, hoping that this would at least start the conversation off with a degree of buoyancy.
    “Hi. I called to say I haven’t gone into work today,” said Alison.
    “I see,” replied Matthew. “You feeling alright?” he asked hesitantly.
    “What do you think? I’m a nervous wreck Matthew. I’m sitting here yet again obsessing about whether I’ll soon be thinking about how to decorate the nursery or absolutely devastated because we’ve failed again. Isn’t there any way you can come back tonight?”
    “I’m really sorry Alison. You know I would but I’m the only one from the consultancy going to the match now and someone’s got to be there to look after the clients. Ian had to pull out because his daughter is singing the lead in the school play. She was the understudy but the other girl got caught in some big scandal sleeping with one of her teachers or something and was banned from appearing. Now poor old Ian has to suffer two hours of sitting next to his ex-wife listening to out of tune kids warbling The Wizard of Oz rather than the joys of corporate hospitality at the Leeds game. He’s pretty pissed off I can tell you.”
    There was silence on the other end of the phone.
    “Alison, are you still there?”
    The silence continued until he heard a sniff and he knew she was crying.
    “At least Ian has a daughter he can go and see in a school play. I would trade