No-One Ever Has Sex on a Tuesday Read Online Free

that had happened during the lead-up to her arrival, that was a pretty big deal.
    ‘I’ve just realised something,’ Ben said to Katy.
    ‘What?’ she gasped. What could he possibly have only just realised at this very moment?
    ‘I’ve never told you my middle name before.’
    ‘Oh,’ she said, confused and relieved.
    He turned back to the registrar, looking a little pale.
    ‘It’s Ben Barry King,’ he said quickly.
    ‘Can you repeat that?’ the registrar asked. ‘I’m sorry, I missed it.’
    ‘Ben Barry King,’ he said again, turning back to Katy, looking slightly flushed.
    ‘It’s okay,’ she shrugged. ‘So your mum and dad were big B.B. King fans. That’s pretty cool, actually.’
    Ben shook his head. ‘Barry Manilow, I’m afraid. The B.B. King thing was an accident.’
    Katy couldn’t help but start to laugh.
    ‘You’re named after Barry Manilow?’ she managed to splutter out.
    ‘Yes,’ he nodded, trying desperately to hold on to his mortified expression but eventually forced into joining in with Katy’s mirth. Soon they were both roaring with laughter, until tears were rolling down their faces.
    The registrar gave them a few moments, then stepped in. ‘Shall we continue?’
    ‘Let’s,’ said Katy, taking a huge breath and looking away from Ben to stop herself laughing. ‘Sorry,’ she muttered as the woman gave her a stern look.
    ‘So could you tell me the father’s occupation next?’ the registrar asked.
    Ben cleared his throat and forced a serious expression onto his face.
    ‘Singer at the Copacabana,’ he replied. Katy collapsed into giggles again. Ben fixed his serious eyes on the registrar, who was eventually forced to crack a smile. Katy leaned over and took Ben’s hand in hers. She shouldhave known that he would turn the whole potential nightmare of registering Millie’s parentage into a comedy showcase.
    ‘Why don’t we just book ourselves in?’ said Ben later as they passed through the reception for the second time. Fortunately, Charlene and Abby were nowhere to be seen.
    ‘What for?’ asked Katy.
    ‘To get married,’ he replied. ‘Let’s just see when they’ve got a slot free, shall we?’
    It was all too much for Katy. Registering Millie had been more fun than she’d ever dreamed possible, but now she just wanted to get out.
    ‘We’re not getting married here,’ she announced, casting a disparaging glance around the shabby interior. ‘Somewhere more fitting, more official. More . . . more a sense of occasion.’
    ‘Oh. Right,’ said Ben, obviously confused. ‘I see.’
    ‘You want that too, don’t you?’
    ‘Well, yeah,’ he shrugged. ‘Kind of. If that’s what you want, then yeah, that’s what we’ll go for. Of course.’
    He didn’t look convinced.
    ‘We don’t need to decide now, do we?’ she said, brushing past him to open the door, eager to get home. ‘Anyway, we need to save up first. We can’t afford to get married anywhere at the moment. Not whilst I’m on maternity leave.’
    ‘I know,’ said Ben. ‘I know.’

Chapter Three
    ‘I mean, really, Matthew, how insensitive can a man be?’
    Alison was sitting on the sofa, a pillow wedged on each knee, nestling her twin babies as they efficiently tucked into their evening snack of breast milk.
    ‘He suggested the pill!’ she continued as Matthew took off his suit jacket and draped it over the back of a dining chair. ‘He clearly hadn’t consulted my notes properly. Why would you ever suggest a drug to prevent pregnancy to a woman who’s spent the last five years of her life taking every drug available to
encourage
pregnancy? Why, Matthew, why?’
    ‘I don’t know, Alison,’ he replied wearily.
    ‘I said to him,’ she continued, ‘I said, we have fertility problems – a major contraceptive in itself – and we have six-week-old twins. When exactly does he expect we’ll be having sex anyway?’ The kitchen timer, balanced on the sofa arm, suddenly sprung to life.