Nightmare in Shining Armor Read Online Free

costume enter and exit the Port-O-Johns. Clearly they have a feel for such a thing. At any rate, Rob knelt and set to work.
    â€œTighter, dear. Greg must think I have larger feet than I do.”
    Rob shook his head. “These barely count as feet. What are they? Size two?”
    â€œFour. Would you mind tightening the other strap as well?”
    â€œMy pleasure.”
    â€œSo tell me, Rob, who is this woman Ed is seeing?”
    â€œTweetie.”
    I dropped my skirts, entombing the man in metal rings and layers of crinolines and heavy taffeta. From where I stood, all I could see were the backs of his legs. Unfortunately for the two of us, at that very moment Bob came bounding up the stairs, his own skirt hiked around his knees.
    â€œAbby, where’s your garlic press—oh, my God!”
    â€œIt isn’t what you think,” I wailed.
    â€œAbby, how could you!”
    â€œI didn’t do anything! I just dropped my skirts.”
    Meanwhile Rob was trying to fight his way out of the tangle of metal and fabric without tipping me over. I’m sure it looked much worse than it was. When Rob finally emerged his face was the color of good Merlot.
    â€œI was tightening her shoe straps,” he sputtered.
    Bob put his hands on his hips. The sequined sheath dress he’d chosen was surprisingly flattering.
    â€œYeah, right.”
    â€œHe’s telling the truth, Bob. This man only has eyes for you. Besides, I’m taken.”
    Bob softened and offered Rob his hand. “The least you can do is get up quickly before someone else sees you. This isn’t the White House, you know.”
    Rob jumped to his feet. “Now what were you saying about garlic?”
    â€œForget the garlic,” I snapped. “What’s this about Ed and Tweetie?”
    The Rob-Bobs exchanged anxious glances.

4
    â€œO ut with it, you two!”
    Bob cleared his throat. “I hate to be the one to tell you this but, uh, uh—”
    â€œTweetie’s a slut,” Rob said.
    â€œAnd the Pope’s Catholic,” I said.
    â€œI didn’t know about Wynnell’s husband, but of course I know about Tweetie. She slept with Buford while we were still married, didn’t she? One doesn’t just fall into monogamy. One works at it. And Tweetie doesn’t work at anything except her hair color.”
    Bob made a sizzling sound. “Ouch! You sure you’re not a gay man in drag, Abby?”
    â€œPretty sure. Look, I don’t dislike the woman. I really don’t. In fact, we have this weird kind of connection. She is, after all, stepmother to my children. Plus which, we’ve both been victimized by Buford.”
    â€œYes, but Tweetie seems to give back to him as good as she gets.”
    â€œThen I say bully for her! Not that I’m condoning adultery, mind you. I’m just glad Buford finally knows what betrayal feels like from the other side of the fence.”
    Rob had amazement written all over his face. “You sound like you’ve forgiven Tweetie.”
    I shrugged. “I’m not sure that’s the right word. Tweetie’s a twit. I feel sorry for her more than anything.”
    Rob whistled softly. “That’s more than Wynnell can say.”
    â€œGive her a chance, dear. How long has this affair been going on, and how long has Wynnell known about it?”
    â€œAffair?” Bob boomed, in his not-so-Barbra voice. “Is that what you told her?”
    Rob spread his hands. “Well—”
    â€œIt’s not an affair?” I demanded.
    â€œApparently it was just a one-time thing. But that counts, doesn’t it?”
    â€œIn my book, yes. Go on.”
    Rob looked triumphantly at his partner. “It happened after the Christmas party. Wynnell just found out about it.”
    â€œHow?”
    â€œApparently Ed doesn’t clean his suits very often. Now with the weather getting cooler Wynnell took a couple in and, well,