Nick of Time (A Bug Man Novel) Read Online Free

around.”
    “Why would she want me around? There’s nothing for me to do.”
    “You’re asking me? I still can’t figure out why she’s marrying you.”
    “She just wasn’t being reasonable.”
    “ Reasonable —you want her to be reasonable .”
    “I’d appreciate it, yes.”
    “Let me tell you something, Nick. When Macy was pregnant with our first we did the whole Lamaze routine—the childbirth classes, the breathing techniques, the whole nine yards. So when the baby was about to pop we headed for the hospital, and there I was in my powder-blue scrubs and my hairnet—and I had nothing to do. And it was taking hours, because the kid had a head like a bowling ball—and I still had nothing to do. So I casually mentioned that there was a game on in the lounge . . . You know what that’s called, Nick? That’s called being reasonable . Thank God I left my handgun in the locker.”
    “Is this story supposed to encourage me?”
    “No, it’s supposed to make you think. Give up on reasonable , Nick—there’s no such thing. ‘Be reasonable’ just means ‘Think like I do’—and she doesn’t. But hey, don’t let that bother you; I don’t think there’s anybody on the planet who thinks like you.”
    “Give up on reasonable ,” Nick said. “That won’t be easy— I’m a very reasonable person.”
    “Are you kidding? You’re the most erratic and unpredictable person I’ve ever met—who’s not in prison. And that could always change.”
    “ ‘Erratic and unpredictable’? Seriously?”
    “You’re engaged, aren’t you?”
    Nick stopped to consider Donovan’s words. He had a point—proposing marriage to Alena was probably the most unpredictable thing Nick had ever done, and everyone who knew him was flabbergasted by the news of his engagement. Some of them actually broke out in laughter, while others simply refused to believe. Everyone who knew Nick seemed absolutely convinced that pigs might fly, and the Cubs might win the Series, but the Bug Man would never, ever take a mate.
    “Is that what I’m doing?” Nick wondered aloud. “Being erratic ?”
    “Now stop right there,” Donovan said. “Let me tell you what’s happening, Nick. It’s a week before your wedding and you’re starting to second-guess yourself. Everybody does that— men and women alike. ‘Am I doing the right thing? Do I really know this person? Am I about to make the biggest mistake of my life?’ ”
    “Am I?”
    “You’re the only one who can answer that question. But I’ll give you my opinion: Alena’s one of the strangest women I’ve ever met—and believe me, that’s really saying something. But she’s strange like you , and that’s the thing that really matters.
    She’s good for you, Nick. You need her—or maybe a frontal lobotomy.”
    “What if she is a frontal lobotomy?”
    “Come again?”
    “Have you ever watched praying mantises mate?”
    “We don’t get those channels,” Donovan said.
    “It’s fascinating to watch. When they’ve finished mating, the female twists around and bites off the male’s head—it provides a little extra protein snack for the female to help ensure the survival of her offspring.”
    “So?”
    “What if marriage is like that? Maybe for the female it’s just a snack, but for the male it’s the last supper.”
    “Nick, take a Valium—you’re starting to freak out.”
    “I sat with Alena for almost an hour this morning. I stayed so long that now I might be late for Vidocq. We kept going round and round about the same thing—why I had to leave right now. She said it made her nervous, and I kept trying to reassure her . . . But you know what I thought when I left? I thought, Why did I waste so much time with Alena? Is that what I’m doing, Donovan? If she’s never going to think like me, am I just wasting my time?”
    “Are you planning on calling me every time you have a question about women? Because if you are, I want to get paid.”
    “You’re