My Sister's an Alien Read Online Free

‘That’s my horrible, disgusting, worm head, pig’s bottom, bosom brain sister. Yahoo! Let’s go get her!’
    â€˜Not us,’ said Ralph Gorgeous. ‘We’ve got a party to go to and, besides, we’ve done all we can.’
    â€˜Well if there’s anything I can ever do for you,’ said Zeke, ‘just plop down through that man-hole in the ceiling.’
    â€˜Possum-hole,’ corrected Nosewhistle Jo.
    â€˜Actually, Zeke,’ said Fluffybigbum, ‘could I borrow that pretty dress you’re wearing?’
    Zeke had forgotten he was wearing Eppie’s nightie and was so embarrassed he shrieked, ‘Aeiou!’, ran from the room and tumble, tumble, tumbled down the stairs like a tennis ball.

    And that’s where he lay like a spilt laundry basket and dreamt that he blew up a thousand balloons, tied all of their strings to his belt and floated up, right up into space where he found his sister Eppie and made her promise that she would pay him a fee of a thousand dollars a week for the rest of their lives for the privilege of being his sister.
    But then Zeke woke up and unfortunately remembered all the trouble that he was in.
    â€˜Oh no, oh no, a few hours to go before Mum wakes up and Eppie and my yoyo are still lost in space. How am I ever going to get up there?’ he wondered as he lay on the floor rattling away, listening to his mother snore. ‘You can’t get a bus to space, or catch a train, or a plane, or walk, or run, or roll or skateboard or … Hey, wait, I know! I could go to a circus, dress up as a clown and getthem to blow me out of the cannon … off the face of earth and into the starry skies … or if that didn’t work and worse came to worst I could fall in a pothole, get run over by a truck that is towing a house, get shrunk to the size of a strawberry, attached to a yoyo and hurled into the sky like a rocket … Hey wait a minute!’ said Zeke to himself. ‘That’s it—a rocket!’
    Well of course Zeke tried to make his own space rocket using old toilet paper rolls, egg cartons and silver foil but the glue wouldn’t dry and there was no sister to sit on things to make them stick better (because she was selfishly dancing on Planet Sock) and no mum to help with the cutting out (because she was upstairs, begging Tom Cruise to marry her, in between snoring like a fart cushion) and so in the end he snuck out the door, got on his bike and rode to the nearest space centre.

    â€˜Hello,’ Zeke said, when the space centre’s door was opened by a huge toothless purple-haired woman. ‘Excuse me for bothering you so late in the night but I’d like to go on your next trip into space.’
    â€˜Oh that’s nice,’ said the toothless purple-haired woman. ‘But I’m very sorry you can’t come because what we need is males who are strong,brave and fearless; we have enough little girls with bows in their hair.’

    â€˜What!’ gasped Zeke. Oh yes, the nightie, and off he rode home to quickly change into his Superboy suitand once again knock on the space centre door.
    â€˜I’m very sorry, Superboy,’ said the toothless purple-haired woman, ‘but I’m afraid you’re far too young. ‘
    And with that Zeke said thank you and rode off into the night. Only to return ten minutes later wearing a false beard and a moustache.

    â€˜I’m very sorry, Mister Super,’ said the toothless purple-haired woman, ‘you’re absolutely perfect except for one simple thing: you are far too thin.’
    And off rode Zeke as fast as he could to find cotton wool to stick in his cheeks, and pillows to stuff down his suit so that every single part of his body seemed quite enormous and he looked like a balloon filled with marbles … and he could hardly move.

    S l o w l y Zeke got back onto his bike and s l o w l y he reached for the pedals and ever so s