My Dating Disasters Diary Read Online Free Page B

yoghurt except eat it. Then she
laughed. 'Or use it to treat thrush – but we'll not go into
that with your father here.'
    Yeah, right, very funny, Mum.
    Grounded and impoverished, all over a stupid yoghurt. Sometimes
    I think my parents are really Dementors in disguise. Their sole purpose seems
    to be to suck the joy out of my life.
     
    Liz rang after school today and asked how I was.
Stupidly told her I was depressed. She asked eagerly,
'Depressed? Tell me, do you have feelings of worthlessness,
hopelessness and frequent suicidal thoughts?'
    'Of course not.'
    'You don't?' Liz sounded disappointed. 'Oh well,
maybe it's just mild depression then, perhaps due to
Seasonal Affective Disorder. Very common at this time of
year. You're sure you're not having suicidal thoughts?'
    'No, not suicidal. Homicidal maybe if you don't stop
all this psychology rubbish with me. I've been grounded
and my pocket money's been docked.'
    Liz was nice then and promised to treat me to a pizza
and a DVD over at her place when my grounding was finished,
but of course had to backtrack on the DVD offer
when I reminded her that the stolen DVD player and TV
hadn't been replaced yet because, just like her dad had
predicted, their insurers found some reason in the 'soddin'
small print' not to pay up.
    Yeah, not the best start to the year for either of us. Still,
things can only get better.
WEDNESDAY JANUARY 13TH
    Angela has said she's inviting her new boyfriend over to
watch a movie tonight. This will be the first time any of
us get to see him as he isn't at our school, and though
she's been going out with him for a while now, she's
never invited him round before.
    Hope he isn't as bad as her first one, who always wore
bright turquoise socks with too short trousers and whose
hobbies were Scottish country dancing and making Eiffel
Tower models from matchsticks. God, it was so
embarrassing.
    Or the last one, who turned up at our house wearing
tight, straight orange trousers and a yellow shirt. Mum
nearly wet herself laughing afterwards and always
referred to him as Big Bird. God, yeah, surely this one had
to be better than that.
    Aunt Kate came round for a nosy, as did two of Mum's
workmates, the women next door and even Great-aunt
Winnie.
    Angela was furious. She cornered Mum in the kitchen.
'What's going on? I thought you and Dad were going out
tonight. Are you selling tickets or something?'
    I stared at her. Bloody hell – that was almost a
joke!
    Mum said, 'Keep your hair on. We're going soon
enough. I just wanted to see your latest boyfriend in the
hope he might be normal and not look as though he's
about to lay a bloody great egg on my carpet.'
    I don't usually get on with Angela but I did feel sorry
for her tonight. I mean, adults are just so nosy about stuff
like that. I went up to my room, and turning off the light
(so I couldn't be seen from outside), I peered through a
gap in my curtains to see if I could get a look at him
before he got here. It was dark but the streetlights were on
and I had a good view of our street in either direction.
Only problem was, of course, I couldn't be sure who it
was until he actually turned into our garden but I
reckoned I could guess. The nerdiest teenager I saw was
likely to be the one.
    I didn't have long to wait. He was wearing corduroy
trousers, an anorak and woollen gloves, all a dingy shade
of light beige, something like the colour of elephant dung.
He had tidy brown hair, a pale, anxious face, and sensible
shoes. Still, at least his trousers brushed the tops of his
shoes and he didn't have chicken legs. Maybe he'd be OK.
    Or maybe not. When he got in he took off his anorak to
reveal a chunky knit Arran cardigan with pockets and
leather buttons. Now OK, I know Beckham looks totally
cool in a cardigan but no other male in the entire galaxy
can pull it off. Also he'd 'brightened up' the outfit with a
lime-green tie. I really, really have nothing to add to this
statement other than to say: how can anyone with