My Dating Disasters Diary Read Online Free Page A

and of course, unlike most normal prefects who
were probably down the pub with their fake IDs, she
takes her duties seriously. Angela told us all we weren't
allowed in this corridor now because of the prelim exams
in the hall and shooed us out. Shelly argued that the
prelims don't actually start for another two days so it
didn't matter but Angela told her 'rules are rules' and
insisted we leave.
    Typical Angela. Still, there was no use arguing with
her so we all reluctantly shuffled off. When we got out Liz
begged me to exchange her natural yoghurt for the tube
of wine gums I'd brought as she was sick of white food. I
reluctantly agreed. We'd just swapped and I was opening
my yoghurt without much enthusiasm when Shelly and
her two scavengers came up to us.
    Shelly said, 'Why don't you tell your sad sister to get a
life?'
    Shelly had some nerve, she really did, slagging off my
sister. Angela may be a bit of a pain, but I wasn't going to
let anyone else say so. Certainly not Shelly. Besides, it's
not like Shelly's sister couldn't be embarrassing. 'Why
don't you tell your slapper sister not to flash her boobs at
the sixth-year Christmas parties.'
    Shelly flushed then looked at my chest and said, 'At
least she's got some.'
    Liz cut in, 'Yeah, well, everybody knows that now.'
    Shelly sneered at Liz. 'You talking to me, fat girl?'
    That was it. She'd insulted my sister, me and my best
friend within the space of less than a minute. Before Liz
could reply I raised my arm over Shelly's head, then
slowly and deliberately poured the yoghurt over her.
Idiot was so gobsmacked she just stood there staring at
me like she couldn't believe what was happening. Her
friends just gawped at me.
    'Oh look,' I said. 'An enormous pigeon has just done a
giant crap on your head.'
    Her 'friends' tittered nervously. Shelly's face flushed
scarlet with rage and she tried to lunge at me but I was
too fast for her and backed away. The yoghurt had now
started to trickle down her forehead and into her eyes.
She tried to wipe it away with her sleeve, which just
smeared it all over her face and made her look even
funnier.
    Loads of people started gathering round to see what
the fuss was about. When they laughed at her, Shelly,
practically crying with humiliation and fury, shouted, 'I'll
get you for this, Kelly Ann.' Then she ran off to the toilet
to clean herself up.
    God, that was so much fun, but unfortunately the
incident was witnessed by Angela, who'd come out after
us to make sure we were following her instructions. She
reported me to Mr Smith because 'rules were rules' and
she mustn't show any favouritism just because I was her
sister. Yeah, right. Mustn't show any loyalty either.
    So now I'm suspended for two days for 'bullying'.
Honestly, it was just a tub of yoghurt. Can't people take a
joke? It didn't do her any harm; in fact yoghurt is
probably good for hair. Nourishing. In a sense I was kind
of doing her a favour.
    Put these arguments to Mr Smith (except for the doing her-
    a-favour bit) but he wouldn't listen. Suspended on my first day back at school.
    This wasn't a good start.
TUESDAY JANUARY 12TH
    Had to tell my parents about the suspension last night.
They weren't too pleased. Dad asked why I'd done it.
Didn't want to go into the boobs stuff so I just said she'd
insulted my sister by calling her boring, which I thought
would make my parents take my side.
    They just looked at me for a moment, saying nothing
at first but not appearing too outraged at the insult to
their first-born daughter. Dad was the first to speak.
'Well, er, she's not exactly what you'd call a live wire,
love, is she?'
    Mum was blunter. 'I'd have a more interesting conversation
with a flamin' speaking clock.'
    Charming. Looks like I'm the only one in this house to
understand the meaning of family loyalty.
    Anyway, Dad said I'm grounded for the week and I'd
better not get into any more trouble at school.
    Mum said she'd dock my pocket money and I'd better
not do anything with