added.
âAnd my career going into reverse,â she countered.
âItâll pick up. Donât worry.â
âHow do you know? You canât tell. All I know is Iâve fought every inch of the way to be accepted, first as a woman, then up here as an Englishwoman, and Iâve finally got there. I know my team believe in me, Iâm in charge of a difficult and important case and I have to go off and have a baby. Itâs so unfair. If it was you having the baby you wouldnât mind because you havenât had to struggle to get where you are and you donât really care if you donât rise any higher. Just so long as you have good meals, a few glasses of wine and of course, your bloody golf.â Aware she had raised her voice, she glared at him.
âYou sound as if you donât want the baby.â
âHow dare you say that,â she practically screamed. Shaking, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
In the privacy of their bedroom she lay on the bed and wept. They had both wanted a baby, he more than she, but as she experienced a new human growing inside her she had felt her femininity being affirmed in a way she had not anticipated. Now the safe delivery of the child that was kicking and squirming inside her was the most important thing in her life bar nothing. But her career still mattered. A lot. As her dad always said, life was never meant to be fair. She closed her eyes, took deep breaths and calmed herself. The memory of Fergusâs stricken face as she left the kitchen made her feel bad. And a little bit better, too.
Soon her brain was buzzing. The Farquhar Knox she remembered was shrewd and quick and treated her with respect. He had judged her by her competence, not her gender. He had been brutal in tearing a strip off DC Billy di Falco over the non-availability of a witness, so much so that she had quietly pointed out to him later that he was doing her job for her. âJust keep your whip ready for the next time,â he had replied with a smirk. That had been the only suggestive remark he had made to her, but there had been something masterful and sexy about him and she could imagine him relishing the challenge of having sex with another manâs wife on the bench of the High Court.
Outside the mower started. It made an angry noise with lots of revs and abrupt, jerky turns. After half an hour it stopped. Flick got up and tidied herself, ready to go out. She went downstairs, made two mugs of tea and carried them outside. Fergus was scratching at the rose border with a hoe but came over and joined her on the bench which caught the afternoon and evening sun. They sat in silence for a while.
âI am alright, Fergus, and I know what Iâm doing,â she said quietly.
âIâm sorry I said that thing about not wanting the baby, but you canât blame me for worrying.â He put a hand on her knee.
âI know, but please stop fussing. I canât bear it.â
âOkay, okay. Itâs a difficult time, and I know how important your career is to you.â
âBut no more important than the baby. Or you. Iâm looking forward to being a mum. Really. And look what weâve got compared with, say, the Traynors.â
âAbsolutely.â
âI really value your comments on my cases, you know. But please keep the Traynor thing quiet.â
âOf course, but whoâs fussing now?â
She grinned, got up and kissed his forehead. âIâm off to Cupar. See you later.â She picked up the mugs and went inside.
âLove you,â Fergus whispered as she turned her back.
4
Flickâs office was cool and quiet. The team would arrive in less than three hours and she wanted to feel in control by then. She booted up her computer and found two zip files from Maclean. She opened the first one and started reading.
There were more than four hundred people who, in theory, might have killed Knox.