More Than I Can Bear Read Online Free

Blake and it sickens me to know a part of him is growing inside of me.”
    â€œBut it’s a part of you too.”
    â€œBut I don’t want it to be and I don’t look at it that way. To me, it’s my rapist’s baby. Because my baby, the one I’m going to call my child, will be made in love with a person I am in love with and who is in love with me. Now I’ve read the books and I’ve seen the movies where a woman finds herself pregnant by a rapist and she still considers the baby a gift from God. Well my life is not scripted. This is the way I feel and being a Christian does not protect those kinds of feelings from infiltrating my heart. I’m still a Christian.”
    â€œI hear you. I get it and I’m not judging you. I believe you absolutely feel that way right now, but once you have—”
    Paige threw her hand up in Norman’s face, coming a mere inch from accidentally mushing him. “Unh, unh. Don’t you say it. Don’t even think about saying it.” Paige stood to her feet and began to pace the floor.
    â€œSo if you don’t even want me to make a mere mention of you having the baby, then obviously your mind is already made up. So what the hel . . . what the heck are you asking me my advice for?”
    â€œBecause you’re my friend,” Paige said in a tone begging for her best friend’s sympathy.
    â€œNo, because you wanted me to say it so that you wouldn’t have to. You wanted me to give you marching orders so that you wouldn’t feel like it was all your idea. Well it ain’t happening.”
    â€œTah, and since when did it become such an issue with you?” Paige spat. “It wasn’t an issue with that trifling Britney Spears lookalike you dated three years ago who told you she was knocked up and ganked you for five hundred dollars to get rid of the baby.”
    â€œWell you know like I know that it turns out she was never really pregnant. She just wanted money so that she could go to Cancun with her girlfriends.”
    â€œYeah, but you didn’t know that at the time you were laying five Benjis in her grimy little paws. You didn’t have a conscience about your own poor little unborn baby then, so why have one with mine now?”
    â€œBecause yours is real,” Norman countered.
    â€œYou thought yours was at the time you laid money for the procedure in her hand.”
    â€œBut I wasn’t saved then. I didn’t know then what I know now. Do you not think for one minute there are not any Christian women today who had abortions back before they knew the Word and were saved? God’s not holding that against them. When you know better you do better. Well I know better now, and you can’t throw in my face now what I didn’t know then. That’s not how this Christian thing works. I’ve only been saved a week and even I know that. That’s not how God works.”
    â€œWhat’s God got to do with it?” Paige roared. “This is about me and my inability to love this child the way it would need to be loved. I don’t have it in me.”
    The word “revelation” might as well have appeared on Norman’s forehead as he digested and dissected Paige’s words. “Oh, I get it now. This whole ‘you not wanting to have this baby’ thing goes beyond the rape and this being Blake’s child. You’re afraid that the same way you and your mother didn’t have the loving mother-daughter relationship you desired, you won’t be able to have that with your child either. You’re afraid that you won’t be able to give your child what you feel your mother didn’t give you when you were a child.”
    â€œNo, it’s not . . .” Paige started, but then decided against lying. “Okay, so maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s all of those things. And all of those issues equal three strikes. I’m already out of the