Me & Death Read Online Free

asked Denise from behind me.
    I nodded.
    “Maybe the TV will work if you get on the treadmill,” she said.
    I shot her a look. Her face was blank.
    “Yeah, maybe.”
    I got on, pressed a button, and found myself walking to keep from falling backward. The movie started slow and uneven. There were pauses. It didn’t look natural at all. It was like I was reading the film, not watching it.
    INT. HALLWAY – DAY
.
    JIM (2) totters toward his sister, CASSIE (6). He
beams at her, toothless. She glares back at him
.
    JIM
Gah! Gah!
    CASSIE
Do you see the ball, Jim?
    JIM
Gah
.
    I walked faster, and faster, and finally broke into a run, swinging my arms to keep my balance. The movie picked up too, until it was playing at regular speed.
    “How is this happening?” I nodded at the screen. “Where’s the camera?”
    “There is no camera,” said Denise. “This is your past. You’re lying in the middle of Roncesvalles Avenue right now, with a subdural hematoma.”
    Oh, yeah.
    I felt the baby’s feelings as my own. When he staggered forward on the screen, I felt proud of myself. When he fell, I was surprised too. I ran harder, focusing on the screen, as if my effort could help the poor baby, struggling to pick himself up.
    “Good!” Denise’s voice came from a long way off.
    The TV picture got bigger, clearer, closer. It filled my vision. For a second, it was like I was inside the set, looking back at the dusty games room. Then I found myself in a full-color world – my hall at home. I wasn’t on the treadmill anymore. I floated in the air in frontof the bathroom door, staring down at the baby I used to be.
    I was inside the TV picture, a witness to my own past. Weird? Oh, yeah. And kind of awful. You ever wake up in the middle of the night and you’re not sure who you are? It was like that, only worse. I was two people here. And still panting from my exertion on the treadmill.
    “Well done, Jim.” Denise floated next to me. She was still in her hospital gown, still black and white and gray.
    “Shut … up.” That felt a little better.
    If it weren’t for recognizing the hallway and my sister, I’d swear that kid wasn’t me. I couldn’t remember ever hugging Cassie, but here he was with his hands around her waist and a big smile. When she dropped a red-and-yellow plastic ball, he hurried to get it for her. Who was this guy?
    Cassie took the ball and pushed him away so that he fell back on his diaper. Still smiling. She got this cunning look on her face.
    Jim
, she whispered.
Oh, Jim
…
    I felt sick. I knew that look.
    The baby smiled when he heard his name.
Gah gah
, he said.
    Cassie held the ball up so that the baby could see it and tossed it gently over the railing. Steep wooden stairs on the other side. The ball bounced a couple of times on its way down to the front hall.
    Jim
, she said, the way you talk to a dog.
Go get the ball, Jim
.
    He grinned, slapping his dirty bare feet on the wooden floor of the hall as he staggered along. He stopped at the top of the staircase.
    “No, Jim!” I shouted. “No!”
    “He can’t hear you.”
    Denise put her hand on my arm. Sympathetic. I shook it off.
    Twelve years ago. That’s why there wasn’t any mold on the wallpaper. The hall railing didn’t have a piece missing because it hadn’t been broken yet.
    Cassie pointed down the stairs.
Get the ball, Jim
.
Go on
.
    “Ma! Where are you?” I shouted.
    “She’s out. You know that.”
    I sighed.
    “You can’t do anything,” said Denise. “You can’t change what’s happened.”
    So we watched. Jim couldn’t decide whether to walk down the stairs or go backward on his hands and knees. Cassie decided for him, giving him a hard two-handed push. He landed on the fourth or fifth step, bounced once, and rolled to the bottom of the stairs. Watching, I felt a kind of shadow of what he was feeling. When he landed sideways on the step, my left side hurt. When his foot got caught briefly in the banister, my trick ankle