Marry Me Read Online Free

and the photographs amounted to something of a horror show. As she picked up her holdall and walked away, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I had only ever loved her for her personality.

CORDIAL
    Along with the traditional vows, my bride and I promised one another that we would always remain on cordial terms. As I gazed into her beautiful eyes and slipped the ring on her finger, it felt so wonderful to know that if things were to go wrong, even to the extent of a third party becoming involved, we would at least be civil about it.

CHAMPIONS
    When my ex-girlfriend called and suggested we meet up in her home town, I agreed straight away. It was wonderful to see her again; she was looking prettier than ever, and when she gave me a hug it felt just like the old days. After a little small talk, she took my arm and guided me towards a lavishly decorated open trailer, with a large and diverse group of dazedlooking men standing on it. ‘I’ve invited all my former lovers here today,’ she explained. ‘Everyone in town has heard so much about you lot, and I thought it would be nice for them to get to see you; the carnival parade is the perfect opportunity. So,’ she said, pointing at the float, ‘on you get.’
    I clambered up, then watched as she ushered several more ashen-faced men on board. When, at last, we were all accounted for, she addressed us through a megaphone, instructing us to smile and wave at the people lining the streets. ‘And here’s the best part,’ she continued, her amplified voice reverberating through the summer air. ‘I’ve decided that it’s time for me to settle down—and one of you boys is going to be my husband. I haven’t decided which yet, but I’m going to be making somebody a very, very happy man today. Now let’s be realistic,’ she said, looking serious, ‘only one of you will hit the jackpot . . .’ She pointed at herself. ‘. . . but I want you to know that by making it this far you’re all champions to me.’
    She put down her megaphone, and gracefully hopped up onto the float, where she sat high above us on a gilded throne. Pulled by a tractor, we joined the cavalcade, every man smiling and waving at the crowds as if his life depended on it, each of us hoping with all his heart that her gaze would settle on him, that he would be the one to hold her hand again, and stroke her hair, and laugh at her jokes, and surprise her with flowers. As one, we ached to gaze into those incredible eyes, and kiss those soft, soft lips, and tell her over and over again how much we loved her.

PROMISE II
    My wife told me she was leaving. ‘But you can’t,’ I said. ‘Don’t you remember our vows? You promised to love me forever.’
    â€˜Vows?’ she said. ‘Promises?’ With a hollow laugh, she asked me what century I thought I was living in.

SOMETHING
    A few years into our marriage, my wife told me there was something she had always wanted to try. I asked her what it was, and she told me straight out. I had no idea what to say. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ she said. ‘Every­one’s at least a little bit kinky. I bet there’s something
you
really like.’ She looked at me through narrowed eyes. ‘Well?’
    Stammering, I told her I had always rather enjoyed it when she had gently nibbled my ears.
    â€˜So, there you are,’ she snapped. ‘You’re in no position to judge.’ I supposed she was right. It would have been hypocritical to refuse to cooperate, and I was left with no choice but to prepare the apparatus, hold my breath and brace myself.

TIME
    Sunset told me she was leaving, and I couldn’t hold back the tears. ‘I don’t know why you’re crying,’ she said. ‘We’ve only been married a few weeks—that’s no time at all.’ She explained that she had been married to her last husband for