Love, Always Read Online Free

smile politely at the nurse when she calls my name and take hold of Adam’s hand to follow me into the patient room. I don’t care how uncomfortable he is, he’s not leaving me. I don’t even let him leave the room when I undress to put on the blue paper patient dress.
    “That’s a good look for you,” he jokes once he turns around and sees me in all my paper-material glory.
    “You missed the real show.” I wink at him and feel my lips twitch when he blushes.
    He sits down on the patient bed next to me and I lean my head on his shoulder. I’m grateful he hasn’t reached his limit with me yet.
    “Thanks for doing this.”
    He puts my hand in his and entwines his fingers with mine. “Anytime.”
    “When are you going on tour?” I ask and watch him blink uncertainly.
    “I hadn’t really thought of it.”
    “But you are going?” I want him to go because I don’t want to hold him back, but I’m terrified of losing my last strain of sanity if he goes.
    “Yeah.” He runs his free hand through his hair before scratching his chin. “The guys have been hasslin’ me about going out. I just—”
    “You should go,” I cut him off firmly, but I don’t dare look at him so my face won’t reveal how I truly feel.
    “Dee…”
    “Don’t Dee me. I’m fine.”
    His sigh lets me know just how much he believes me. I’m fine, ha! Yeah, I’m also a horrible liar. Maybe if I start walking he’ll believe me. The beach, no definitely not the beach, I think as my spine stiffens and my breathing accelerates.
    Adam looks at me, his eyebrows raised, but I shake my head at him and lean against his shoulder. He hums quietly next to me and I close my eyes as we both lose ourselves in our own thoughts.  
    “Deeana Acosta?” my doctor asks when she walks through the door, and I extend my hand for a quick shake. “I’m Dr. Armas. And you must be dad.” She looks at Adam expectantly and he shakes her hand without saying a word.
    I understand his silence. I can’t speak about what happened to the real dad either.
    After going over the nuisances of establishing a new patient/doctor relationship, Dr. Armas squeezes a warm jelly onto my stomach, and within seconds of her starting the ultrasound I hear a fast-paced bump bump bump . I look back at her, my eyes wide, but she smiles back reassuringly.
    “That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”
    My baby’s heartbeat. I should feel joy. I look for it, but come back empty of anything except sadness. Adam wipes a stray tear from my cheek and kisses me lightly where it had trailed.
    I watch as she takes pictures and measures with the transducer. I distantly listen to the heartbeat, but my thoughts are elsewhere, causing me to startle when Dr. Armas suddenly talks.
    “Congratulations! You are just over eleven weeks pregnant,” Dr. Armas continues to speak, but I’m no longer listening to her.
    I don’t want to be a mom. I don’t want this baby. I don’t want this life. I smile back at her, watching her lips move while Adam laughs at whatever she is saying. I want to laugh with them, to feel normal, but this little excursion has left me exhausted, and what I really want is to go back to bed and sleep.
    “Do you have any questions?” Dr. Armas asks me.
    “No. Yes.” I look back at Adam shyly and sigh. “My nipples are cracking.” From my peripheral vision, I can see Adam’s cheeks redden and I hide a grin.
    “Let’s have a look.” Dr. Armas pulls my gown open and Adam looks away when she touches my nipple. “It’s normal,” she says, and I close my gown tightly to my chest. “You need to get nipple butter,” she pauses when Adam coughs, “or they’ll end up pretty painful.”
    “Nipple butter.” I nod my head, trying really hard not to laugh at Adam’s discomfort.
    “You can get it at any grocery store.”
    “Right. Thanks,” Adam says, clearly ready to get out of here.
    I look back at him when Dr. Armas leaves and I feel my face break out into a grin. An