Lose Yourself (The Desires Unlocked Trilogy Part Two) Read Online Free

rocking boat.
    ‘Be careful,’ Pina instructs her.
    Maria frowns. ‘Of what?’
    ‘She means be careful of men ,’ her mother says, smiling despite the tears. ‘She is right, my darling; don’t let yourself be taken advantage of.’
    ‘Of course not,’ Maria says roundly, gripping her suitcase to her chest. She means what she says, for she tries to have no interest in men. Although her mother idolised her father – never said a bad word about him – as far as Maria is concerned, he abandoned them. He never met his own daughter. Belle tells her that he is dead but, when Maria asks where or how, she is unable to elaborate. If she doesn’t know for sure, then it’s possible that he could be alive, somewhere, couldn’t he? It’s possible he just never bothered to come back and is letting them all believe he is dead.
    Pina has always been there in her life. Maria has been perfectly content living in the home of her mother, and her lover. It seems the ideal relationship: two women who of course completely understand each other. ‘Such harmony, and no patriarchal mess.’ That’s what Pina was always saying. If only she liked women, but Maria has to admit that she is not attracted to other girls and, sometimes, she finds herself casting her eyes at a man – usually a lot older than herself for some reason – before she pulls herself together and looks away. She knows that if she is to succeed as a dancer then she must dedicate her life to her dream. Falling in love with a man could destroy her purpose. And yet, as much as she convinces herself that she doesn’t want it, Maria can’t help but sometimes fantasise about how it must feel to be in love, and to be loved. How is it to be one man’s princess?
    The ferry begins to pull away and she waves goodbye. Her throat tightens and she is not sure whether she is crying or not, her face is so wet from the rain. Her mother and Pina link arms and wave back, blowing kisses across the water. Maria catches them in her heart. My mother’s kisses will protect me, she thinks. She is frightened of the world she is walking into: London, a city devastated by the war, its people tough and proud. And she is an Italian. Not as bad as a German, yet still the enemy until Mussolini was got rid of. She bites her lip and inhales sharply the damp air of the lagoon as she watches the city shrinking in front of her and the figures of her mother and Pina receding. The magic of Venice is unravelling around her as if she has been wrapped up in a magic carpet all these years. She shivers. The new sensations of her own life, her independence and her beginning, course through her veins.
    ‘She is so innocent,’ Belle whispers as she watches her daughter disappearing before her eyes, the wide lagoon swallowing her up.
    ‘As were we all, once,’ says Pina pulling her lover close to her side. She kisses Belle’s damp cheek, places her hand upon her lover’s heart and feels its quick, hurting beat. ‘Let’s go home,’ she says.
    Yet Belle can’t stop a dark thought entering her head – that Maria is too young to go to London, that maybe she is not ready to live this big ambitious dream of being a dancer. She can’t help thinking that she shouldn’t have let her go. Her daughter is too innocent. Will she ever return to Venice the same?

‘Can I come too ? ’
    Antonella pins her with a pleading gaze, leaning forward and taking hold of Valentina’s hand. She is literally squeezed into her latticed corset and her ample cleavage is brushing Valentina’s own chest, the ends of her talon nails digging into the palm of her hand.
    ‘I’m only going for a few days,’ Valentina says, trying to put her off.
    ‘Please, Valentina,’ Antonella begs. ‘It’s so boring in Milan now Marco has gone to New York and Gaby is all loved up.’
    Valentina hesitates. She had imagined herself alone in London – a time to reinvent herself.
    ‘Please,’ Antonella pushes, batting her false eyelashes