Look Behind You Read Online Free Page B

sad. We were certain there would be no lasting side effects from the drugs but were not prepared to prescribe any more for obvious reasons. Even if a different antidepressant were prescribed, you’re probably more susceptible to another reaction from it.’
    ‘Why can’t I remember that?’
    He closes the folder and looks me in the eye. ‘I’m not sure. You could have experienced another delayed side effect stemming from the Zolafaxine, or you could be suffering from amnesia brought on by the bump you have.’ He points towards my head. ‘Either way, it’s very worrying.’
    Worrying would be an understatement in my book. ‘What happened after?’
    ‘After?’
    ‘When I was released from the hospital. When I was better. What happened then?’
    He skims through more notes. ‘You had a follow up appointment with your primary care psychiatrist, Dr Drew, the week after. Everything seemed to be going well. He made a note that you were still grieving after the miscarriage, but he didn’t believe you were depressed. He signed you off work for a further three weeks. You declined a weekly session with him and said you were able to cope with life. He was happy that the psychotic episode was sparked off purely by the drugs and you had no underlying mental illness.’
    ‘What did I do when I was hallucinating?’
    ‘Your husband found you at home on his return from work. He said you were in the garden, scratching and digging the path with your fingers. You were hallucinating that a man was chasing you, trying to kill you. You were digging to try and get away from whoever you thought was after you.’
    All the blood drains from my face. My skin turns clammy with sweat. He’s just described someone who isn’t me. Hallucination? Paranoia? Maybe I’m really hallucinating now. This is just some bizarre and incredible nightmare.
    Isn’t it?
    I stare at him, open-mouthed, trying to wrap my thoughts around this.
    He looks down at my hands. ‘Apart from the abrasions on your wrists that you have now, your hands looked like that when you were brought in before. Bloody, scraped skin and broken fingernails.’
    ‘How is that possible? How could I hallucinate like that? How could I go from a sane person to having a psychotic episode?’
    ‘As I said, it was a reaction to the drugs. It’s very, very rare, but it can happen. We filed a pharmacovigilence report with the manufacturer as soon as we were sure.’ He appears uncomfortable, as if I’m about to threaten the hospital with legal action.
    ‘I don’t even know what that means.’
    ‘We are required by law to report any side effects to a drug. Especially when they’re as severe as you experienced.’
    ‘So…’ I take a deep breath and lean my head against the cool pillows. I’m exhausted. Want to close my eyes and sleep. Sleep forever. ‘I was released from hospital and I was fine, apart from still grieving because of the m…’ My eyes water. ‘The miscarriage. And then what happened? What about the kidnapping? I don’t remember how I got there. I don’t remember any of this. What if whoever took me hit me on the head? What if they know where I am?’
    He nods sympathetically in that way doctors do when they don’t have a clue what’s wrong with you. Thinking hard, he rests his chin between his thumb and forefinger. ‘We’ll leave that side of things to the police, who will no doubt be here shortly. From a medical point of view, I’ll need to do some more tests. I’ll come back later, when you’ve rested.’
    And then I get it. The cloud of doubt in his eyes. The concern on his face, as if he’s looking at a child who’s been caught lying.
    He doesn’t believe I was kidnapped. He thinks I’ve had another ‘psychotic episode’.

5
     
    The sound of shuffling footsteps jerks me awake. My eyelids fly open, heart racing, before my gaze settles on two men standing near the doorway.
    ‘Chloe Benson?’ The tall one says. He’s broad shouldered, late