Living with Shadows Read Online Free

as he pulled away up the road. She hadn’t been sleeping when he came home last night. She’d been praying. During the three years Ben and Marianne had been together, her life had been fairly stress free. What was a few years of studying compared to the constant disruptions of an errant child? But ‘child’ was pushing it. He was, what, twenty years old when it started,—well past the stroppy adolescent stage. All that anger and frustration; where had it come from and why had it materialised at that stage in his life? He’d never been any trouble as a child or teenager. Jim had been patient but towards the end his patience had worn thin. If he hadn’t met Marianne when he did, Ben would have been thrown out. His antics had pushed their marriage to its limits but Marianne had been their saviour, and Ben’s. So what was she thinking by keeping Jim in the dark?
    Deception had come all too easily to her. She had fobbed him off and he didn’t suspect a thing, had even shown compassion over her supposed awful first day at work. She flung back the duvet and slipped out of bed. Already she was pushing this matter to the back of her mind and thinking about the day ahead. What was done was done. She would let things ride, for the time being at least.
    As she walked towards the gates, Kate saw John ahead of her. She soon caught up with him and they entered prison together. The huge iron gate slid to one side letting them into a windowless square space. Once the gate had closed behind them, another opened in front and they stepped out into the waiting room. The officer at the desk nudged one of his colleagues and called out jovially, ‘Here they are,—the folk who live off immoral earnings.’
    Kate looked at John who was quick to respond. ‘It beats sitting around all day struggling with The Sun crossword.’ He winked at her, took his keys from his belt and opened the first door. They slipped through into the corridor.
    ‘I take it the prison officers don’t appreciate what we do in here?’ Kate ventured.
    ‘Oh, take no notice of Eddie; he’s always trying to wind us up. But you’re right; some of them think education is a waste of time and effort, as well as their taxes. And we know as well as they do that some of these buggers are just using education for an easy time of it while they’re inside. Although some of them do want to educate themselves, and it isn’t easy for them given what they’re up against.’
    ‘You mean whether it will benefit them when they get out?’
    ‘I’m not thinking that far ahead. So many things influence them inside, drugs, hooch, thieving, bullying. Then there’s the external influence, girlfriends, family. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a man absolutely devastated when he’s had a ‘Dear John’ letter, or he’s told a parent is dying. A lot of the time they won’t go to the funeral because of the ‘cuffs. Undignified to be seen tied to an officer in front of friends and family. Well, it’s more than that. Believe it or not, it’s more likely to be out of respect for their loved one. So for a lot of the men in here, self-improvement isn’t high on their list of priorities. Just keeping it together and getting through their ‘bird’ is what matters most.’
    All this interested Kate. Like most people, she’d never given much thought to what happens to prisoners once they’re locked up. They’re put inside as a punishment for their crime and to keep them off the streets, and rightly so, but she now realised that being locked up is only one aspect of their punishment. Again, she had to remind herself she was only here to do a job, and no matter how people viewed that or whatever she thought didn’t matter.
    It seemed strange sitting in a staff room among experienced tutors. It felt like she was just playing at being a teacher and one day they’d all see right through her and tell her she’d better to go back to being a secretary. Stick to what she’s