Little Black Girl Lost Read Online Free

God in all of this? Johnnie wondered. Why had he let all of this happen to her? Was I not a good Christian? Was I not chaste and faithful before Mama sold me? She began to pray that God would stop her from having sexual feelings and thoughts, but the more she prayed, the more the thoughts increased, until finally she stopped praying.
    It was bad enough that Earl Shamus was having his way with her, but it was worse when Johnnie realized that everyone in the neighborhood knew her shame. What she found particularly bothersome was that she had put other young girls down for being fornicators. She preached righteousness, and now she was practicing what the elders of the church called “the Devil’s work.” How can this be? To combat these thoughts, Johnnie read the Bible. She read how almost all the great men of the Bible had fallen into some sort of sin from time to time. She read how Joshua spared the life of Rahab, the whore who hid the two spies, and she found solace.
    Solace aside, her sexual urges grew as the months passed. In all that time, Johnnie still had known only one man, though she fantasized about others. She had learned to accept her situation and made the best of it. In those months, she became skilled in the art of making love—so much so that she began asking Earl, as she now called him, for more money, which he willingly paid. He had fallen in love with her. In addition to the extra money, Earl bought her fine dresses, shoes, and jewelry. Johnnie decided to continue saving her money so she could leave New Orleans one day. She wondered how Earl would feel if she left, and decided to ask him the next time he came over.

Chapter 7
    â€œDo you love me, Earl?”
    C hoir rehearsal ended promptly at 6 p.m. Johnnie was on her way to the restroom when she heard a few teenage girls say, “Why we always lettin’ her lead songs on Sunday morning? Everybody knows she’s a whore now.” Johnnie heard them laugh. The comments hurt, but the laughter brought the tears. Johnnie believed that she wasn’t a whore as long as she went to church and sang in the choir. If she was going to get understanding and mercy, the church was the only place in the world to get it, but now she knew differently. Instead of going to the restroom as she planned, she left the church and headed home. Although she had just suffered one of the most humiliating moments in her life a moment ago, Johnnie still had to get home and be further humiliated by her only paying customer.
    It was about 7:00 in the evening when Earl arrived. Johnnie knew his habits now. He was going to come in and have a glass of red wine with the andouille she made for him. Earl would tell her about his day then he would complain about his wife. After that, he’d want her to make love to him as only she could. But today was different. Earl came in, gave Johnnie a big kiss and told her he had good news, but first he needed a quickie. He took her clothes off right there in the living room. He licked her luscious, dark nipples. Johnnie moaned. Then he buried his head in her crotch.
    After Earl’s lust was satisfied, he said, “I got promoted today, Johnnie. I won’t have to go door-to-door selling insurance anymore. I’ll have my own office downtown.”
    â€œSo, you won’t be comin’ around no more?” Johnnie asked sarcastically.
    â€œYeah, Ill still be coming around.” He rolled over and faced her. “Why? You don’t want me to?”
    Johnnie turned over onto her side to hide her face from him. “Well . . . I’ve been thinkin’ about leaving New Orleans.”
    â€œReally?” he said skeptically. “Where will you go? How will you live?”
    â€œI’ll do just fine,” she said confidently. “I’ve been saving my money.”
    â€œYou have, have you?”
    â€œYes, I have.”
    â€œWhy don’t you put the money in the bank or invest it in stocks