Life as I Know It Read Online Free

their birth. Toby was breech, and took a long time coming out. Teddy didn’t get enough oxygen to his brain while Toby was being born. He’s got… learning difficulties.”
    I pondered this last piece of news with a sinking heart. I might be experiencing a vivid dream, but I was still here, living this life until I awoke, and it seemed to be getting more complicated by the second. How could I be capable of being a mother to all those children? Especially a child with special needs. What sort of wonder woman had this Lauren been? I hoped I would wake up soon, because if Dr. Shakir was right and this was somehow real, I seriously doubted that I would ever be able to match up to her.
    I suddenly felt very tired. Something in my face must have alerted Grant, and he stood up quietly. “I’ll take the children home,” he said, stooping to plant a kiss on my forehead. This time I didn’t turn my face away, but he must have seen the flicker of apprehension in my eyes because I saw the sorrow etched upon his face.
    “I hope the children won’t be upset not to see me,” I murmured guiltily.
    “They’ll cope for now,” he answered firmly. “We all will. Look,” he added, “can I bring them back this afternoon, when you’ve rested?”
    I nodded, wishing I had the courage to refuse him, but it seemed so petty when the children were obviously missing their mother so much, and anyway, I told myself, I might have woken up by then.
    As the door closed behind him, I lay back against the pillows with a groan. “You’d better be wrong, Dr. Shakir,” I mumbled to the ceiling. “I’m Jessica, not Lauren. I’ll wake up soon and prove I’m still me.”
    Grant returned later with a huge bunch of flowers that the nurse put in a large vase next to the small vase containing the flowers one of the girls had brought me earlier. Nurse Sally, as she liked to be known, had extracted the flowers from the child before the family had left, promising her I would get them.
    “Sunflowers, my favorite!” I exclaimed when Nurse Sally had left us alone together.
    Grant looked intently at me, hope lighting his features. “You’ve always loved them,” he whispered, taking my hand. “Do you remember that monthlong vacation we took in Provence, before we had the children? Those fields of towering sunflowers seemed to go on forever and we filled all the jars and vases in the villa with them.”
    “I love sunflowers in my real life,” I replied stubbornly. “The life where I’m not married and have no children.”
    “Stop it, Lauren,” Grant said, abruptly letting go of my hand. “There is no other life!” He closed his eyes for a moment, as if to contain himself, then opened them again, and even though I hardly knew him I thought he looked drained and weary. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m struggling with this as much as you are. I don’t know what to do.” He sank down onto the visitor’s chair and ran a hand tiredly over his eyes. “I can’t bear it that you don’tremember us,” he said quietly. “All those years, all the experiences we’ve shared, the loves, the sorrows, the energy we’ve put into our children. If you don’t recall any of it, it’s as if it’s all gone, it might as well never have happened. I feel like I’ve lost you.” He leaned toward me, but I instinctively pulled back from him and he regarded me with haunted eyes. “I love you, Lauren. When they called to say you’d been rushed in here, and that your heart had stopped, I thought you were dead. Have you any idea how that feels? I thought I’d lost you forever, and I realized I couldn’t bear it. When the doctors said you’d live, I was so, so grateful. But you’re not really here with us, are you? I’ve lost you after all.”
    I stared at him in dismay, not wanting to hurt this stranger, but unable to help him, either. It was bad enough that I’d unwittingly arrived into this nightmare; now I had this man’s distress to cope with, too.