Knowing Your Value Read Online Free

news. He fought for us and protected us from unnecessary tweaking from upstairs.
    Before long, Morning Joe ’s future was looking bright, but mine still wasn’t. The network brass weren’t convinced that I was the right cohost. They gave me a new contract and moved me from freelance into a staff position, but the money was barely better, and I was not formally assigned to Morning Joe . That meant I had to be available to work for any and every other show that needed me. My days began with a four AM commute into New Jersey, where I would trudge up to the makeup room and have my face painted; most days I didn’t scrape that makeup off for sixteen hours. Often I would be on the air four or five hours a day, then spend the rest of my waking hours chasing guests for the next day’s Morning Joe and doing any other jobs that MSNBC assigned. I didn’t want to seem difficult by turning down extra assignments. I figured if management was asking me to take on more, that
meant they had actually considered my workload and felt I should be able to handle additional tasks.
    The ink on my new contract was barely dry when I realized my mistake.
    Joe and I worked so closely as we put this show together that we pretty much knew everything about each other. He’d answer my phone and talk to my kids, and I’d answer his phone and talk to his. Phil called, or Joe’s agent called, and they’d negotiate a detail in his latest contract, and I’d be sitting right there listening. So I knew there was a vast difference in our salaries. We talked openly about the money he was getting and the money that I should be getting. He was very concerned and hoped that I would be a permanent part of the show, and I think we were both just relieved when I finally had a contract in hand.
    The reality of my situation began to dawn on me when I learned that Willie Geist had just re-signed as well, but his was a contract to be on the show, whereas mine was simply to be on MSNBC. Someone had said, “Just sign this,” and I signed a generic contract that had me working on any shift, including Morning Joe , but without the title “ Morning Joe cohost.” It said MSNBC could also ask me to do Nightly News pieces, Weekend Today news reading, and hours and hours filling in for other anchors in the afternoon. Willie was smarter about the negotiation and cut himself a better deal. He asked for what he wanted, and he didn’t show up at work until he got it. When I heard through the grapevine that he was making more than I was, I realized I had done myself a
great disservice. I didn’t value myself, and I had taken a deal that reflected that.
    I was stunned to learn that Willie made more, but I was happy for him. I’ve always known he’s a great talent, and I’m sure his value will explode in coming years. I’m good at predicting these things for other people. I just couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been on my own behalf, how my own sense of value was so deflated by low self-esteem and a misplaced sense of gratitude. I was demoralized, but I was determined to show up shining every morning. Balancing the job, the family, and the hours was exhausting, but knowing that what appeared to be a career high was really a complete failure was truly depressing.
    Living with that reality was bringing out an emotion in me that does not work for a woman in the workplace, at least not mine: anger. Morning Joe shows me at my best and my worst. Our show is transparent and real. We hide nothing. It all shows: the effects of exhaustion (and Ambien), all our moods and emotions. I knew anger wouldn’t rate. I would have to find a way to be happy, or at least at peace.
    I had taken a tremendous risk in accepting this job. I didn’t have financial security, and my career was hanging in the balance. On top of that, I was working with a man who refused to follow a conventional path. Some called him a rule breaker. But I knew he was actually a game changer.
    That same rebellious