Johnny Cash: The Life Read Online Free Page A

monster, Cash said he was someone “made up of bad parts but was trying to do good.”
    James Mangold, who directed Walk the Line, the 2005 film about the relationship between Cash and June Carter in the 1960s, talked to Cash about Frankenstein and came away from the conversation with the belief that Cash identified so strongly with the movie because he worried, in the aftermath of Jack’s death and his father’s reaction, that he, too, might have bad parts. “He certainly felt terribly misunderstood by his father.”
    In his increasing loneliness and grief, J.R. started writing down his thoughts, sometimes in the form of a poem, a short story, or even a song. He found he loved to express himself in words. “I’d never known death either in the family or among friends, and suddenly I realized that I wasn’t immortal—that I too could die someday,” he said. The writings reflected a darkness that would reappear in Cash’s music throughout the years.
    J.R. also tried to lose himself in books, showing a particular fondness for American history and the Old West. The stories and accounts stimulated his increasingly active mind, and he often took them with him to the fishing hole. He also developed a great appetite for poetry that never left him.
    Like many kids, he loved the work of Edgar Allan Poe as he got older, but he responded most to poets who, like his beloved gospel music, offered inspiring messages. He especially prized one poem—Joaquin Miller’s “Columbus.” His face would still light up years later when he described the story of Columbus crossing the ocean and facing a series of seemingly impossible hurdles, only to respond each time with the words “Sail on!”
    “Some people might think that’s corny stuff…how Columbus says, ‘Sail on,’” Cash acknowledged late in life. “But it always thrilled me to death. I love that stuff.”
    Through all this, however, nothing comforted him more than those solitary late-night walks on the gravel road, though he was now singing hymns along with Jimmie Rodgers and Ernest Tubb songs.
    It was on one of those walks that J.R. had a revelation that caused him to race home to share it with his mother. For months he had been trying to figure out how to keep Jack’s spirit alive and, perhaps, gain some smidgen of affection from his father. He even thought briefly about the ministry, but he couldn’t convince himself, even at age twelve, that it was the right choice. The breakthrough came as he walked down the road singing gospel tunes. That was it. He could spread Jack’s message through music; he would be a gospel singer.
    Joanne Cash remembers her brother running into the house to tell his mother the news. Carrie smiled and hugged her son. When she told Ray about the boy’s latest dream, he scoffed. The reaction hurt J.R., but the youngster was used to being disappointed by his father.
    J.R.’s demeanor differed greatly from that of his more outgoing brothers and sisters, and his parents interpreted it in opposing ways. J.R.’s father saw the boy’s daydreaming and love of music as lazy and unfocused. Ray Cash later explained, “I wanted him to start preparing for the day when he’d be on his own and have to take care of his family.” Ray even complained about J.R.’s facial expression or lack of it. Whereas he’d seen enthusiasm and warmth in Jack’s face, Ray found it hard to tell what his younger son was thinking—or if the boy was even listening to him—because his eyes didn’t reveal any emotion. Carrie Cash thought her son’s daydreaming and quiet demeanor were signs that he was thoughtful and sensitive. “He hardly ever said anything,” she said years later. “But he listened. He was drinking it all in.”
    The boy tried hard to be loyal to his father; it was the Commandment that meant the most to him, and he did appreciate the way his father worked tirelessly to provide for the family. Yet, he said later, there was no getting around it: