International Kittens of Mystery Read Online Free

hiring?”
    â€œMight I suggest an alternative, sir?”
    â€œSuggest away, Reeves. Any part of the globe except Denmark Street.”
    â€œI was thinking that it may be judicious to acquiesce to your aunt’s wishes.”
    â€œWhat? Get married? Steady on, Reeves.”
    â€œNo, sir. I would never suggest anything as precipitous as that, but ... there may be considerable merit in being seen to be trying to get married.”
    â€œAha, feign acquiescence, you mean? Then pull up the Worcester stallion a furlong from home?”
    â€œI would advise a distance considerably longer than a furlong, sir. Having observed your aunt, I am of the opinion that dragging a stallion over a distance of 220 yards is well within her capabilities.”
    I had to agree. And well within the capabilities of some of the young ladies of my acquaintance too.
    â€œHave you a plan, Reeves? Are those little grey cells whizzing around with turbot-charged vim this afternoon?”
    â€œI do have a suggestion or two, sir. It has been my observation that young ladies are oft times of a somewhat shallow disposition and would look with considerable disapprobation upon a young gentleman who was unfortunate enough to have a blemish upon his countenance.”
    â€œWhat kind of a blemish?”
    â€œA boil springs to mind, sir. It would keep the young ladies at bay without bringing the wrath of your aunt upon you.”
    â€œThat’s as maybe, Reeves, but as you can see, the Worcester face is devoid of boils. I fear you must have dined upon a bad turbot.”
    â€œI was thinking of a false boil, sir. With a little theatrical make-up, the results could be quite convincing.”
    When you have a giant brain even a bad turbot can get it fizzing. I sat upright, thinking hard.
    â€œBut how long could I pull it off for, Reeves? Three balls? A week? I can see Aunt Bertha’s sympathy for her afflicted nephew running out pretty swiftly. She’d summon a doctor and have us both lanced – the boil first, then me.”
    â€œI was thinking that the boil would be no more than a precursor to a series of misfortunes that could thwart your matrimonial prospects, sir.”
    â€œI see where you’re going, Reeves, but I fear that so would Aunt Bertha. If I appear with boils one week, a hunched back the next, followed by an assortment of blackened teeth and smallpox scars, she would have me committed to a sanatorium.”
    â€œQuite possibly, sir. Which is why I would suggest a more subtle approach.”
    â€œThis wouldn’t involve feigning consumption, would it, Reeves? A cough here, a sickly look there? Because I’ve tried it before and it does not work. The girl takes one look at the dying Reginald and is overcome by the spirit of Florence Nightingale and visions of romantic poets ebbing away in the arms of their beloved.”
    â€œNo, sir. I was thinking more of garlic.”
    â€œGarlic?” I was confused. I’d heard that garlic could ward off vampires, but girls? “Do I wear it about my neck, Reeves?”
    â€œNo, sir. It’s for one’s breath. If one chews four large cloves of garlic before each ball, and exhales readily in the presence of young ladies, I posit they will yearn to be elsewhere.”
    Now that was a plan.
    â€œIf I may further suggest, sir–”
    â€œYou have another plan?” I was astounded. “It doesn’t involve a crucifix, does it?”
    â€œIt does not, sir. It occurred to me that if a rumour concerning your suitability as a son-in-law should come to the ears of the families of these young ladies, your matrimonial prospects would suffer considerably.”
    I furrowed the Worcester brow. “What kind of a rumour, Reeves?”
    â€œFinancial, sir? Perhaps a risky foreign investment that threatens your financial prospects?”
    This required some thought. I inclined my head to the right. I don’t know why, but I find I