In Bed with Jocasta Read Online Free
Author: Richard Glover
idea and proof once again of the tragic fantasy world in which many of our farmers are now living. Indeed, as we sat round the dinner table I started advising Locky how he needed to spend more time in town, updating his ideas, trying to get more of a grip on reality, which was exactly when we heard the first plop.
One drowned mouse. The first of eight caught since in The Locky Trap.
Only trouble is, Locky’s gone home now, so it’s up to me to reach into the water and fish out the little dead bodies, turning as I do it various shades of blue, green and yellow. And up to me to turn Fluffy’s mouse house discreetly away.
Have I fainted yet? Surprisingly, no. Could it be that The Locky Trap is finally making a man of me?
About-to-Expire Eggs
W hen I was sixteen and living alone with my father, the culinary standard was not high. For breakfast we would both have two raw eggs, stirred up in a glass of milk with a fork — me adding a spoonful of chocolate Quik as a concession to youth. For dinner we would have lamb chops, done under the griller, served with mashed potato and frozen peas.
We would have this meal on Mondays. Then we’d have it on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays. On Thursdays. And on Fridays. From this distance, I can’t recall the weekends, but I have a strong suspicion they involved chops, potatoes and peas. I also remember thinking the whole thing very tasty.
Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef, has reached the bestseller lists by promoting the simplicity of his recipes — but he’s nothing on my dad. Or on a thousand other suburban chefs. They have
really
simple recipes. Perhaps it’s time someone recorded their subtle joys.
Ted’s Lamb Chops and Mash
Buy 10 kilos of lamb chops and place in the freezer. Each day, before work, remove six chops and defrost. Place under griller until burnt. Serve with mash, peas and lashing of tomato sauce. Beautiful! (Hint: if special guests are attending dinner, why not chop a tomato in half and also bung under the griller.)
Back-of-Cupboard Bake
Jamie oliver loves choosing ingredients from the same region — and so do we. In particular: the region at the very back of the cupboard.
Step 1: Root around in there, pulling out every canned product you can find, and open the lot.
Step 2: Check at least two of them are soup. If not, add water.
Step 3: Pour over Deb Mashed Potato, and cook until hot, or until phone rings with better offer.
About-to-Expire Eggs
Jamie oliver says one should be guided by what’s fresh on one’s daily visit to the markets. We take rather the opposite approach: preferring to be guided according to what’s in our fridge and about to expire. About-to-Expire Eggs, On-The-Turn Mince, and Get-in-Quick Lasagne all involve a commitment from the whole family: you’ll knock off the lot tonight. And hope.
Twice-Dropped Sausages
Jamie offers Twice-Cooked Duck, but it’s hardly as simple as twice-dropped snags. In this recipe, the snag is first dropped off the side of the grill into the barbecue itself, thus picking up a generous coating of ash, and is then — just before serving — dropped on the kitchen floor, thus picking up subtle Asian influences, themselves twice-dropped during last night’s stir fry. It’s a recipe so good, you’ll never want to reveal its secrets.
Chinese Take-Away Reheat
A robust dish in which one can travel all the regions of China within a single mouthful. simply consolidate all last-night’s left-overs into one microwavable dish, stirring to ensure the sweet and sour pork is well distributed through the prawn soup. (Internationalists may also like to include the slice of pizza left over from Wednesday.)
Step 1: Cook quickly.
Step 2: Eat rapidly.
Step 3: Regret at leisure.
Cling-Wrap Combination
If it’s in the fridge, sealed with either cling-wrap or a clothes peg, it should be on this delightfully eclectic platter. Wedges of cheese, slightly suspect salami, a single piece of soccerball ham with dried-up edges,
One drowned mouse. The first of eight caught since in The Locky Trap.
Only trouble is, Locky’s gone home now, so it’s up to me to reach into the water and fish out the little dead bodies, turning as I do it various shades of blue, green and yellow. And up to me to turn Fluffy’s mouse house discreetly away.
Have I fainted yet? Surprisingly, no. Could it be that The Locky Trap is finally making a man of me?
About-to-Expire Eggs
W hen I was sixteen and living alone with my father, the culinary standard was not high. For breakfast we would both have two raw eggs, stirred up in a glass of milk with a fork — me adding a spoonful of chocolate Quik as a concession to youth. For dinner we would have lamb chops, done under the griller, served with mashed potato and frozen peas.
We would have this meal on Mondays. Then we’d have it on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays. On Thursdays. And on Fridays. From this distance, I can’t recall the weekends, but I have a strong suspicion they involved chops, potatoes and peas. I also remember thinking the whole thing very tasty.
Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef, has reached the bestseller lists by promoting the simplicity of his recipes — but he’s nothing on my dad. Or on a thousand other suburban chefs. They have
really
simple recipes. Perhaps it’s time someone recorded their subtle joys.
Ted’s Lamb Chops and Mash
Buy 10 kilos of lamb chops and place in the freezer. Each day, before work, remove six chops and defrost. Place under griller until burnt. Serve with mash, peas and lashing of tomato sauce. Beautiful! (Hint: if special guests are attending dinner, why not chop a tomato in half and also bung under the griller.)
Back-of-Cupboard Bake
Jamie oliver loves choosing ingredients from the same region — and so do we. In particular: the region at the very back of the cupboard.
Step 1: Root around in there, pulling out every canned product you can find, and open the lot.
Step 2: Check at least two of them are soup. If not, add water.
Step 3: Pour over Deb Mashed Potato, and cook until hot, or until phone rings with better offer.
About-to-Expire Eggs
Jamie oliver says one should be guided by what’s fresh on one’s daily visit to the markets. We take rather the opposite approach: preferring to be guided according to what’s in our fridge and about to expire. About-to-Expire Eggs, On-The-Turn Mince, and Get-in-Quick Lasagne all involve a commitment from the whole family: you’ll knock off the lot tonight. And hope.
Twice-Dropped Sausages
Jamie offers Twice-Cooked Duck, but it’s hardly as simple as twice-dropped snags. In this recipe, the snag is first dropped off the side of the grill into the barbecue itself, thus picking up a generous coating of ash, and is then — just before serving — dropped on the kitchen floor, thus picking up subtle Asian influences, themselves twice-dropped during last night’s stir fry. It’s a recipe so good, you’ll never want to reveal its secrets.
Chinese Take-Away Reheat
A robust dish in which one can travel all the regions of China within a single mouthful. simply consolidate all last-night’s left-overs into one microwavable dish, stirring to ensure the sweet and sour pork is well distributed through the prawn soup. (Internationalists may also like to include the slice of pizza left over from Wednesday.)
Step 1: Cook quickly.
Step 2: Eat rapidly.
Step 3: Regret at leisure.
Cling-Wrap Combination
If it’s in the fridge, sealed with either cling-wrap or a clothes peg, it should be on this delightfully eclectic platter. Wedges of cheese, slightly suspect salami, a single piece of soccerball ham with dried-up edges,
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