I Have the Right to Destroy Myself Read Online Free Page A
Author: Young-Ha Kim
When he stepped into the living room he remembered his brother having sex with a woman the night before, but he was still groggy so it was hard to tell whether he had seen it in real life or in a video.
C made coffee. As the smell of coffee wafted toward the living room, the door of the guest room opened and Judith appeared.
"Can I have a cup, too?"
C poured the rest of the coffee into a cup and handed it to her. Her hair was disheveled and traces of makeup were
left on her face, as if she had just woken up. She was wearing denim cutoffs and a baggy T-shirt printed with the name of a prestigious American university on the West Coast. She looked very young in this getup.
"You look like a different person with clothes on," C commented.
"I bet we surprised you yesterday," she said, letting out a laugh, weak and leaky like a broken humidifier. "I've heard a lot about you."
"Where's K?" C asked, glancing toward the guest room.
"He went to work."
"What work?"
"Didn't you know? He's a bullet."
"A bullet?"
"You know, a bullet taxi driver. Bang!" Judith made a gun with two fingers and mimed shooting C. C jumped despite himself, and at that moment the image of her naked body lying in the living room flashed in his head. He sensed that he was about to make a dangerous choice. He was attracted to his brother's girl, this woman who resembled Judith. But he didn't want to blame it on the fatigue sweeping over him after the funeral.
Judith finished her coffee, took out a Chupa Chups from her pocket, and stuck it in her mouth. For the first few minutes, she seemed to concentrate her whole being on eating the candy. She stared intently at the stick, almost cross-eyed. C hadn't met a woman who ate candy in a while. He despised women who chewed gum. You don't need
imagination to chew gum. You endlessly work your mouth but always come back to the same place. He realized that the image he wanted to see was that of a woman eating candy, savoring it slowlyâjust as she did. His attention strayed to her from the morning paper he had been reading. She continued to lick, then stretched and lengthened her body. She put her feet on the coffee table and leaned back as far as possible into the sofa, and kept sucking.
"That was a game," Judith says, breaking the silence. The windshield is again covered in thick snowdrifts, and the inside of the car returned to its pitch-black state. "When I slept with you for the first time, I mean. Remember I was eating a lollipop? I knew you were looking at me. So I decided to play a game and see whether I would win you over while I was eating candy, or afterward. I decided that if you came over to me while I was eating it, I would live with you, and if you came to me after I was done, I would live with K. Fun, huh?"
She rolls down the window. A cold gust and snow rush in. She reaches up to the top of the car, grabs a fistful of snow, and rolls up the window. She turns on the light.
"I just thought of something fun to do," she says, packing the snow into a small ball, the size of a golf ball. She parts her legs, giggling. The snowball slides up inside of her. She still has a lollipop in her mouth. She shivers. Her brow is furrowed for a long time, as if she can still feel the snow on her skin.
***
That day, when C saw Judith's left hand undoing the button of her shorts and sliding inside, he stood up. She didn't stop, her right hand curled around the lollipop stick, her left touching herself. C didn't know where to go. He stood there for a while, watching her movements become faster and her expression change. It seemed that a very long time had passed. She opened her eyes. Their eyes met. She called him over. He went to her, and she pointed to her back. He held her from behind. Even then, she was writhing violently. He worried that she might be going insane. After a while, she relaxed in his arms. He laid her on the sofa and inserted his dick inside of her. She sucked her lollipop, bored, even as
C made coffee. As the smell of coffee wafted toward the living room, the door of the guest room opened and Judith appeared.
"Can I have a cup, too?"
C poured the rest of the coffee into a cup and handed it to her. Her hair was disheveled and traces of makeup were
left on her face, as if she had just woken up. She was wearing denim cutoffs and a baggy T-shirt printed with the name of a prestigious American university on the West Coast. She looked very young in this getup.
"You look like a different person with clothes on," C commented.
"I bet we surprised you yesterday," she said, letting out a laugh, weak and leaky like a broken humidifier. "I've heard a lot about you."
"Where's K?" C asked, glancing toward the guest room.
"He went to work."
"What work?"
"Didn't you know? He's a bullet."
"A bullet?"
"You know, a bullet taxi driver. Bang!" Judith made a gun with two fingers and mimed shooting C. C jumped despite himself, and at that moment the image of her naked body lying in the living room flashed in his head. He sensed that he was about to make a dangerous choice. He was attracted to his brother's girl, this woman who resembled Judith. But he didn't want to blame it on the fatigue sweeping over him after the funeral.
Judith finished her coffee, took out a Chupa Chups from her pocket, and stuck it in her mouth. For the first few minutes, she seemed to concentrate her whole being on eating the candy. She stared intently at the stick, almost cross-eyed. C hadn't met a woman who ate candy in a while. He despised women who chewed gum. You don't need
imagination to chew gum. You endlessly work your mouth but always come back to the same place. He realized that the image he wanted to see was that of a woman eating candy, savoring it slowlyâjust as she did. His attention strayed to her from the morning paper he had been reading. She continued to lick, then stretched and lengthened her body. She put her feet on the coffee table and leaned back as far as possible into the sofa, and kept sucking.
"That was a game," Judith says, breaking the silence. The windshield is again covered in thick snowdrifts, and the inside of the car returned to its pitch-black state. "When I slept with you for the first time, I mean. Remember I was eating a lollipop? I knew you were looking at me. So I decided to play a game and see whether I would win you over while I was eating candy, or afterward. I decided that if you came over to me while I was eating it, I would live with you, and if you came to me after I was done, I would live with K. Fun, huh?"
She rolls down the window. A cold gust and snow rush in. She reaches up to the top of the car, grabs a fistful of snow, and rolls up the window. She turns on the light.
"I just thought of something fun to do," she says, packing the snow into a small ball, the size of a golf ball. She parts her legs, giggling. The snowball slides up inside of her. She still has a lollipop in her mouth. She shivers. Her brow is furrowed for a long time, as if she can still feel the snow on her skin.
***
That day, when C saw Judith's left hand undoing the button of her shorts and sliding inside, he stood up. She didn't stop, her right hand curled around the lollipop stick, her left touching herself. C didn't know where to go. He stood there for a while, watching her movements become faster and her expression change. It seemed that a very long time had passed. She opened her eyes. Their eyes met. She called him over. He went to her, and she pointed to her back. He held her from behind. Even then, she was writhing violently. He worried that she might be going insane. After a while, she relaxed in his arms. He laid her on the sofa and inserted his dick inside of her. She sucked her lollipop, bored, even as
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