Ah Kimâs had just put up their prices two cents a napkin.
Houk said, âIt seems like she poured petrol over herself. Kind of a ritual suicide. One of the cooks from McDonaldâs managed to reach her with a fire-extinguisher, but it was too late.â
âShe killed herself?â
âIâm sorry, Mr Denman, it sure looks that way.â
âI donât even know what she was doing there,â Lloyd protested. âI meanâwhat in Godâs name was she doing there? She wasnât depressed, she wasnât upset.â
âIâm sorry, Mr Denman, we really donât know. We donât even know how she got there. There were no private vehicles anywhere in the vicinity left unaccounted for, and nobody saw a woman riding a bus with a petrol can.â
Lloyd dragged out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. âGod, what a waste. God, what a terrible waste. I canât tell you how . . .â he stopped, his throat was too tight, and his mouth didnât seem to work. She had killed herself, burned herself to death, and she hadnât even tried to tell him what was wrong. That was what hurt. She hadnât even asked him for help.
Sergent Houk waited for a long moment. Two of Lloydâs waitresses had arrived, and Lloyd could see them anxiously talking to Waldo, and glancing out at the balcony now and again. He gave them a hesitant wave, but they probably didnât understand what he was doing, or else they were too upset, because they didnât wave back.
Sergeant Houk glanced around at them, and then carefully took back the wallet and the charm bracelet. âYouâll have these back as soon as possible, Mr Denman. Meanwhile thereâs one thing Iâm going to have to ask you to do. It wonât be easy, but we do need somebody to come downtown to the mortuary tomorrow morning to identify Ms Williamsâ remains.â
Remains, thought Lloyd. What a forlorn, contradictory word. When your soul has left your body, nothing remains. Only memories, only a scattering of objects. Clothes, photographs, a voice that speaks over and over again on video-recordings, an endlessly repeated smile.
âWeâll have to ask you a few more questions,â Sergeant Houk told him. âWeâre going to have to piece together everything that happened.â
Lloyd nodded. âAll right, I understand.â
Detective Gable laid his hand consolingly on Lloydâs shoulder. âYou okay, sir? You want a ride home or anything?â
âNo . . . no thanks,â Lloyd replied. âI have a restaurant to run.â
The two policemen left him out on the balcony, and went to have a word with Waldo. Essentially, it was âkeep an eye on him, heâs already in shockâ. Then they left. Lloyd sat alone for a long time, unaware that the restaurant wasnât filling up, that no customers were coming in. Waldo had put a hastily-chalked sign outside saying Closed: Family Bereavement and Suzie was calling up all the customers who had made reservations, cancelling them all apologetically, and offering them free Fish Depot cocktails the next time they came.
Lloyd stood up, and leaned against the rail of the balcony. The ocean lay below him like molten solder, with a gradually wrinkling skin. The seagulls turned and cried. Lloyd wondered if one of them were already Celia, circling around La Jolla Cove, looking for him.
Waldo came out and stood a little way behind him. âYou all right, Mr Denman?â he asked, at length. âYou want a drink, maybe?â
Lloyd shook his head. âNo thanks.â
âYou want that I should drive you home?â
âI donât know. I donât feel real. I feel like Iâm here, but at the same time Iâm not here at all. Can you understand that?â
Waldo came up and clasped Lloydâs shoulder. âItâs a beautiful evening, Mr Denman. The cove is beautiful. Do you know what they say in