How To Succeed in Evil Read Online Free

and what it stands and stood for. And her prolonged stay in this heathen country has only strengthened her upper lip and her determination to set a more civilized example for this wayward colony.
    At one time, an unfortunate person had seen fit to refer to Agnes as an “executive assistant.” Agnes would have none of it. She denounced the term as a “barbarous jargon.” And declared herself uncomfortable with the prominence of the syllable “ass.” She is a secretary. She does not merely assist. She keeps order. And perhaps it is her smoldering, blue-haired rage for order that prevents her from jumping as Edwin storms into the lobby. Or perhaps, it is that, after her long years of service to Edwin, she has seen it all.
    “What is that?” Edwin asks, gesturing towards his office.
    Agnes shuffles a few papers and ignores him.
    “Agnes? How did that waste of time find its way on to my schedule?”
    “I’m sorry, are you talking to me?”
    “Yes.”
    Agnes carefully collates the papers on her desk into a stack. She folds her hands and looks to Edwin with her chin high in the air. “Now, how can I help you, Mister Windsor.”
    “That lout in my office.”
    “Dr. Loeb, yes, what of him?”
    “Why am I wasting my time on him? He has no powers. He’s obviously an idiot. There’s no potential there for us to make any money. Why did you not prune him from my schedule?”
    “I’m not sure I care for your tone.”
    “Agnes, please.”
    “It’s true,” Agnes grants, “he is a trifle substandard. But we are in something of a dire strait here. Clients have been dropping left and right. Dr. Spocktopolis has gone completely around the bend. He is refusing his latest invoice.”
    “That’s a collections issue.”
    “Yes, a matter for the Unstoppable Auger. Unfortunately, he seems to have let his name go to his head and has been stopped, rather decisively, by the authorities.”
    “Ah,” says Edwin. He does not like mundane details. He likes them even less these days, when all the details are less than flattering.
    “Ah, indeed,” says Agnes, not without sympathy “These are trying times for us all.”
    “Yes, but there is simply no way that buffoon can help us. And why does he effect such a horrible Austrian accent?”
    “The accent is horrible and out of place. Many of your clients want to be something they aren’t, but, I have a good feeling about this Dr. Loeb.”
    And there it is. A feeling. Agnes is very old and very dear to Edwin, but a feeling? Edwin has no time for feelings. Feelings are fickle, fallible. Feelings fall apart, melt away or reverse without the slightest warning or provocation. To build a decision on feelings is to set a foundation in quicksand. Feelings! Even data can be falsified or misleading. But logic was something you could always rely on. Logic is the bedrock upon which Edwin constructs his world.
    “He’s not a Doctor,” says Edwin, “This is lunacy. Show the man from my office. I’m going to the club.”
    “Edwin! Please! This is no time for golf.” Agnes protests. The elevator doors close behind Edwin and she falls silent. She is old, but she is determined to keep from talking to herself for as long as she can manage.
    She turns back to her desk, and finds Dr. Loeb staring at her. “Excusing me, but vhere is Mr. I mean, Herr Windsor-- Vindsor. Where did he go?”
    “Mr. Windsor has been called away on urgent business. But fear not, he has left instructions for me to reschedule your appointment for a later date.”
    Dr. Loeb jumps up and down enthusiastically. Oh dear, Agnes thinks, I must discover how this will pay. She smiles at the odd man in the Neru jacket, swallows her distaste and asks him if he would care for a cup of tea.

Chapter Five 
    It's a Par Four Life

    Right now, the most important thing for you to know is that the midget is insane.
    At one point in his life, this midget was wound very, very tight. He was driven. Consumed by the ambition to be the best