How to Raise a Jewish Dog Read Online Free

goal is to instill in the dog the assumptions and values our parents instilled
     in us. They include the following:
    • The knowledge that we have to be perfect, or we’ll be very disappointing to those who love us.
    • The knowledge that we must be very careful whenever we leave home because the world is full of lunatics.
    • The knowledge that most people are out to take advantage of us, so the only people we can really trust are our family.
    • The knowledge that, no matter how smart we think we are, we are wrong about certain things, and the sooner we accept that
     fact, the better.
    • The knowledge that we can be really very selfish and hurtful, so thank goodness there are people who are willing to put up
     with us, although God knows why.
    • The knowledge that our hair will always look bad.
    Obviously, some of these principles are too sophisticated to be adequately grasped by the dog. That’s why we devoted several
     years to boiling them down into a small number of essential principles that can be efficiently conveyed to, and understood
     by, the canine mind. We call them the Four Essential Messages.
THE FOUR ESSENTIAL MESSAGES
    For our training program to be successful, the dog must learn, and integrate into his view of you, himself, and the whole
     universe, the Four Essential Messages. They are:

    Teaching the dog the Four Essential Messages. Note how Jax’s expression shows his dawning comprehension.

    Dog pondering the contradictions of the Four Essential Messages. You can practically watch the transformation of consciousness
     take place.
    1. You are beautiful, intelligent, talented, and wonderful.
    2. You are naive, unrealistic, and a fool.
    3. No one will love you as much as I do.
    4. When you die, they’re going to have to bury me with you.
    These four principles, like all basic axioms, are simple and powerful. Once the dog has absorbed them into his view of himself
     and of you, he will (whether he is conscious of it or not) begin to ask himself a series of important questions.
    Your dog will wonder:
    • If I’m so intelligent, why am I so naive?
    • If I’m such a fool, how can I be so smart?
    • If I’m such a fool, why does the owner love me so much?
    • If the owner loves me so much, is it possible that she’s telling me that I’m smart but I’m really not?
    • What does the owner mean by “beautiful”? What does he mean by “talented”?
    • If the owner loves me so much, why does she tell me I’m a fool?
    • If the owner doesn’t love me all that much, why is he telling me I’m so intelligent and talented and wonderful?
    • If it will kill the owner if I die, does this mean I’m responsible for her?
    These questions are important because once they start circulating in your dog’s consciousness they will replace the more primitive
     thoughts with which the typical untrained (or poorly trained) dog is usually preoccupied.
    However, in order to impart the Four Essential Messages to your dog, you will have to change your own Inner Monologue to that
     of an Owner Raising a Jewish Dog. It should be something like this:
    INNER MONOLOGUE: OWNER RAISING JEWISH DOG
    YOU ARE SO CUTE I CAN’T STAND IT. DO YOU KNOW HOW CUTE YOU ARE? DO YOU? I JUST HAVE TO GIVE YOU THIS COOKIE. I JUST HAVE TO
     GIVE YOU THIS COOKIE BECAUSE YOU’RE SO CUTE. WAIT, COME BACK. WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT COOKIE??? DO NOT BURY THAT COOKIE
     IN THE SOFA! DO NOT B—— OH MY GOD, HE’S BURYING THE COOKIE IN THE SOFA. OH MY GOD, IS HE CUTE. DO YOU KNOW HOW CUTE YOU ARE???
     NOW WHAT? YOU WANT ANOTHER COOKIE??? COME ON, LET’S GET YOU ANOTHER COOKIE. BUT YOU HAVE TO EAT IT. OKAY? PROMISE? HERE. WHAT’S
     THE MATTER? YOU DON’T LIKE IT? ARE YOU SICK? WAIT, I’LL GET YOU SOME ROAST BEEF. WILL YOU EAT THE ROAST BEEF? OKAY, GOOD.
     BUT YOUR NOSE ISN’T WET. SHOULD WE GO TO THE VET? LOOK AT ME. WHY AREN’T YOU WAGGING YOUR TAIL? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME
     BACK. WAIT. DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?
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