How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend Read Online Free

on it like that, and it will definitely go off.”
    â€œAnd then?”
    She rolls down from her headstand. Her legs land on mine. Physical contact! She doesn’t seem bothered by it, but I stiffen up like someone just bit my ass.
    â€œThen?”
    I retract my legs carefully. “Then the policemen come and get you.”
    She leans over to give the gizmo a last pull. I can see some sort of tattoo at the edge of her sweater collar. She turns to me. “And then?”
    Her hand lands beside mine on the bed. I can feel the heat radiating from the tips of her fingers. If she gets any closer, she’ll have to sit on my lap.
    â€œI…”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI don’t know. Like…they put you in a proper nuthouse. You never, ever get out. Just like Dad said.” Even swallowing excess saliva seems like a major accomplishment.
    â€œWhat is wrong with you? Why do you make a face like a dead fish?”
    Fourteen throws. Fourteen hits.
    I jump off the bed and take refuge by my bookshelves, far away from her. I pretend that I need to reorganize my Fantastic Four comics, doing my best not to look like a dead fish.
    â€œWhy are you trying to get to Paris?” I ask, sorting the comics by villains: Namor, Galactus, Doctor Doom. “I realize that Cornouaille is not, like, zee place to find a boyfriend, but there’s the city of Rouen just a few miles west. There’re plenty of boys in Rouen. They drive around the high schools on their motorcycles.” Apparently, the girls love that.
    â€œI am not looking for any boy. I am looking for my chosen one, ” she says. “And he is in Paris.”
    Fifteen throws. Fifteen hits.
    â€œHow do you know that?”
    â€œZook told me.” She rolls onto her stomach and studies the Tintin prints on my pillows and duvet. Not the sexiest choice of bedspread, I’m afraid.
    â€œWhat’s Zook?” I ask.
    â€œShe’s the one watching over me and all Vahalalians. What you Earthlings call God.”
    Even the Silver Surfer on the cover of the comic I’m holding looks shocked.
    â€œYou talk to God?”
    â€œYes.”
    Sixteen throws. Sixteen hits.
    â€œAnd God told you your future boyfriend is in Paris?”
    â€œYes.”
    This girl is nuts, the Silver Surfer seems to agree right before I return him to his place on the shelf.
    â€œDid God tell you his name?” I ask ultra slowly, keeping in mind that I’m talking to a seriously deranged girl.
    â€œNo.” She turns to me and throws the last marble without even looking. “But Zook told me the only important thing about him.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œHis entire genetic code,” she says, yawning.
    How romantic!
    â€œAre we done?” she asks, standing up and stretching like she wants to leave.
    â€œWait!” I don’t want her to leave now. I want to hear more of her crazy stories. And maybe watch her throw another set of marbles. “We’ve established that you talk to God. Not bad. But…do you have any other powers?”
    â€œPowers?”
    I grab a random Fantastic Four comic, The Coming of Galactus!, and hand it to her to illustrate my point. She flips through the pages, narrowing her eyes and trying to make sense of it.
    â€œYou know. Flying. Self-combusting. Turning into a rubber band. Things you do on your girl planet that we can’t do around here. Superpowers.”
    â€œI do not know where to start.” She makes a face, like she can think of a gazillion things, just off the top of her head.
    â€œLike what?”
    â€œSpace Splash.”
    â€œSpace Splash!” I start laughing but immediately stop when her green eyes go two notches meaner. “Okay, what’s Space Splash?”
    â€œThe ability to be at two points in space at the same time, making us able to move fast.”
    â€œHow fast? Like a plane?”
    â€œFaster than anything you know. Our martial art is based on