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to concentrate but I had been up late last night
writing.
    I
had written something great, well I was pleased with it, but now I
was so tired that I couldn't think straight.
    Bad
timing on my part. I just needed a little coffee to help me through
this business talk.
    Her
assistant came in again without my coffee. I asked politely for a cup
again. She nodded and took off. I tried to concentrate, but I was
wondering about my coffee. I was thinking more about just getting it
myself than listening to the numbers that would mean a huge change in
my life. I was going to be rich. I could quit writing and live off
the money the film and books would bring in if I lived wisely.
    I
had no intention to quit writing, but it was nice to know. My
thoughts also kept diving into the 'I had no one to share the money
with' area. The old saying about lucky in work and unlucky in love
fit me. I had only slept with my college boyfriend so it had been
years since I – never mind.
    I
was thinking about joining a church group and meeting a nice guy,
when the assistant came in again. Again she had no coffee.
    “ I
really need a cup of coffee.” I eyed her getting upset.
    My
agent looked up over the top of her glasses. “Why is the coffee
being such a problem?” She was ticked too. Usually when I came in
here they all bent over backwards to please me.
    “ The
machine is broken,” she admitted.
    I
sighed loudly. Was I disappointed. “Well, I'm sure you have more
than one coffee machine in this building. Couldn't you use a
different one.” I didn't mean to sound so mean but it was just so
obvious to me. I was bringing this company in a lot of money and a
mere cup of coffee wasn't too much to ask.
    “ Of
course. I'll go get it right now.” She left in a hurry.
    “ I
hope she doesn't spit in it,” I murmured under my breath.
    “ I'm
sorry about that, Katherine. Don't worry she won't be here next time
when you come in.”
    “ Is
she trading to a different department?” One with a functioning
coffee machine, I hoped.
    “ I'm
afraid I will have to let her go.” My agent went off listing all
the conditions of the contract.
    “ Excuse
me, she isn't going to be fired because of a cup of coffee?” I was
feeling pretty guilty now.
    “ Let's
just say that it was the straw that broke the camel's back.” She
went on reading.
    The
assistant came in and gave me my coffee. I thanked her,
wholeheartedly. I was a terrible person.

Chapter 3 There is no Safety in Words

    I
went home and sat down in front of my laptop. I couldn't concentrate
on what I was writing. I wrote Ryan an e-mail, telling him what a bad
person I was, and apologizing for using him as my dumping ground. It
had been over a month since we had last seen each other.
    I
was surprised when he answered right away. He wrote that he wanted to
see me right now. I regretted admitting that I had also been driving
too fast.
    I
drove to his house, asking myself why I was even going over to his
place. I didn't have to but I knew that he would scold me and set me
right for about a week. Would a spanking have longer lasting effects?
    I
rang his bell, feeling like this was the principal's office. I had
nervous butterflies in my stomach.
    He
opened right away. He wasn't one to keep a lady waiting.
    There
was my sarcasm again. It was too warm out for a coat, and I had
usually come in the evening up until now. He didn't have to take my
coat. The routine had been broken. It made this visit feel different.
    He
pointed to his kitchen. My coffee was waiting. Maybe he needed a job?
My agent was looking for an assistant who knew how to get coffee on
the table, I mused to myself. Why was I being so sarcastic? Was I
nervous? He had never been anything but nice to me. I still couldn't
imagine him hitting anyone.
    He
sighed loudly. “How often are you planning to contact me with your
misdeeds?”
    I
was surprised. I had a feeling that he cared and wanted to hear from
me. It had been his idea for me to come here