Grin and Bear It: How to Be Happy No Matter What Reality Throws Your Way Read Online Free Page B

were two handsome, charming guys who wore really nice Armani suits, drank expensive champagne, and smoked fancy Cuban cigars. Oddly, they never talked about work. I had no idea how to talk about my career in a serious way, so why would they? We partied and obsessed about what was in the tabloids. Celebrity was the name of the game! I knew they were going to parent me and my career into the winner’s circle. “Jenni, you are going to be a huge star!” I was having ear-gasms and not noticing that my career was headed into oblivion. And of course they knew the perfect partner for me! My life and career were in great hands. What was I thinking? I wasn’t.

    Chris and I celebrating our engagement with a glamour shot at Super Walmart.

    Chris was a handsome, gifted actor and comedian who I immediately found extremely attractive. His Jim Carrey impersonation was spot-on! This was the man I could bring home to Mother! We started performing with each other, doing improvisational work, independent films, and even wrote together. Before we knew what hit us, we were “in love.”
    Two years into our relationship, I was ready to get married. Although my parents divorced, I grew up believing in the sanctity of marriage and strong partnerships; I think commitment and the sacrament itself are important. Chris had been married once before to another girl named Jenny—with a y . He told me the Jenny-with-a- y relationship hadn’t ended well. When we met, Chris was still living with his ex-wife, which he failed to tell me until our fourth date. I promptly dumped him and, of course, three minutes later I took him back. Chris sort of asked me to marry him during a flight we were on from LA to New York.
    “So, you wanna do this or what?” It wasn’t exactly the romantic proposal I’d always dreamt of, but at the time, it was good enough for me. Besides, I thought I loved Chris and very much wanted to marry him. So of course, I said yes.
    We were flat broke. Which meant I had to buy my own engagement ring. Paying for my engagement ring was a red flag I chose to ignore.
    RED FLAGS THAT TELL YOU THE PRINCE PROBABLY ISN’T CHARMING
      1.  He can’t stop talking about his ex (wife or girlfriend).
      2.  He doesn’t like his mother.
      3.  He is too attached to his mother.
      4.  He wants you to be his mother.
      5.  He has bad credit.
      6.  He wants to move in right away to your apartment (house, etc.).
      7.  He writes sexy e-mails … but not to you.
      8.  He knows your family is rich and that’s a big plus.
      9.  He knows your family is poor and that’s a big minus.
    10.  He avoids maturing because he thinks it will interfere with his creativity.
    So, I purchased the ring on my credit card and my mom was going to pay for our big fat Greek wedding.
    After Chris and I were engaged, I wrote and produced my first one-woman show titled, All About Me … It was eight characters in search of sanity. The nowhere-near-ready-for-primetime players included a former child star in rehab, her stage mom, her dialect coach, and a lounge singer named Wendy Saperstein. One evening, midsong, Wendy encountered a heckler, so she sat on him and rubbed his head. To my surprise, it became one of the best parts of the show.
    All About Me ran for a couple of months, sold out every night, and actually got pretty good reviews. It was selected as a top comedy pick by LA Weekly. On closing night, a talent scout from Saturday Night Live was supposed to come see me. But lucky me, a banana truck flipped over on the 405 freeway, snarling traffic for hours, so he never made it. The result: STILL NOT SEEN. My dream of being on SNL was dashed by a bunch of bananas!

    My one-woman show—2000.

    After my one-woman show closed, Chris and I were married in Palm Desert where my mom and sister lived. Afterward, we immediately left for our honeymoon in Greece. We were both in our mid-twenties and thought we were as happy as could be.