the rearview mirror. He was looking out the window, but sensed my eyes.
"It's okay, Mom," he said. "You can talk about it."
"All I know is," I said quietly, "what I've heard. She was out doing errands Saturday morning. One week ago today. On Monday she didn't show up for school and didn't call in. They got a substitute." I coaxed the van into second and turned onto Homestead Drive before going on. Apparently one of the teachers came over at lunchtime to check on her and to bring some papers that needed correcting. The door was open. Laura was in the bathtub. Dead. Razor in her hand and dried blood all over, I guess. No note, but no sign of a fight or anything. There was an autopsy." I cleared my throat. "I think that's routine. Anyway, the guy said suicide." I paused. "Except that it just seems so sad. Premature."
I glanced at Arch. He was intent on the view out the window. The van released another cloud of dust as we turned onto Piney Circle, a dirt road where wood- paneled houses peeked out from behind stands of ponderosa and lodgepole pine.
"So did you know her?" Patty Sue asked.
Alicia's question. Why did people inquire so suspiciously about your prior acquaintance with a suicide victim? Were they trying to ascertain guilt? If you had known her better, she wouldn't have done this? If you hadn't known her at all, you were off the hook?
"She was Arch's teacher last year and two years ago. I saw her at conferences," I replied. "Sometimes I saw her in exercise class. That's it." I thought for a minute. "She was funny. She could make you laugh talking about how she was going to be a taxing person for the IRS, things like that. And she was a special person for Arch."
I looked again in the mirror. My son was holding his hands over his eyes. I pulled over onto the graveled shoulder and turned to face him.
“Arch," I said. "You don't have to do this. Listen, we can manage with just Patty Sue and myself serving. You don't even have to come at all."
Patty Sue and I sat as Arch sobbed quietly. I handed him a tissue. I shouldn't have talked about Laura Smiley, after all. Arch blew his nose and coughed as people do when they want it to look as if the real problem is sinus congestion, not heartache.
"It's okay," he said. He cleared his throat. "Let's go. Please."
I said, "You really don't have to."
"Yeah," he said, "I do."
We turned off Piney Circle and onto Pine Needle Lane. Whoever had named the streets wanted to remind us we were in the mountains. The lane was a dirt road that would take us to Laura's house. She had lived close to the center of town, in a hilly area once peppered with log cabins. In the Forties, Aspen Meadow had been a rustic retreat from Denver for the well-to- do. Now the largest portion of residents made the hour-long commute to Denver to work. In Laura's residential area small A-frames and wood-paneled houses built in the Fifties and Sixties were sandwiched between a scattering of remaining cabins. The resulting architectural mishmash made the area not a good investment for the commuters, but a haven for teachers, artists, waiters, and others who could not afford a ritzier neighborhood.
The van shook as we started down the steep, dusty driveway to Laura's bungalow. The aunt from Illinois had flown in and rented a car. It stood outside the open garage, as she had planned to take a limousine to the funeral. She had left us enough room so that I could just edge the van in next to the garage door.
Fortunately the aunt also had remembered to leave the door unlocked. We pushed in with our crates, boxes, foodstuffs, bowls, and cups.
Once inside I took a deep breath. A professional service from Denver had been in to clean. Their assignment included, Laura's aunt had crisply informed me, disinfecting and regrouting the bloodied bathroom tile. This was about the fifth time I'd done a postfuneral meal in the home where a person had died. I shivered in anticipation of any lingering smell or sense of