Four Shades of Recovery: Boxed Set Read Online Free Page A

looking into his eyes with what I hope is an earnest expression.
     
    “I’m not sure that’s good enough for me. I need a full commitment from you, Megan.” He’s throwing down the gauntlet now. I don’t blame him for making these demands of me. If the situation were reversed, I’d do the same thing.
     
    I take a deep breath before speaking. “I’m asking you to give me time. I think I truly can love and commit to you in a way that you need, eventually. That’s what I want.” I smile at him tentatively.
     
    He sighs a bit and appears somewhat mollified. “I guess I don’t have much choice about how you feel. But, if there’s hope for us then…how much time do you need?” He’s really trying to meet me halfway.
     
    I bite my bottom lip as he stares at me with desire. “That’s hard to say but at least six months and quite possibly one year. I’ve been in therapy for several months now to address my issues with trust and low self-esteem. My therapist, Dr. Ginger, thinks I’m doing well and I feel so much better. She’s amazing with a technique called dialectical behavioral therapy. It’s why I’ve returned to you,” I announce with pride and touch his arm.
     
    “I’m thrilled to hear about your therapy, Megan. You have no idea how much Dr. Stone helped me to cope with your loss. My own issues with loss and abuse came raging back when you walked out on me. I was an emotional cripple. If it weren’t for Stone, I’d be living in a box on the street. When you left me Megan, and wouldn’t return my calls, I broke down. I drank, hardly ate, and nearly wasted away while pining over you.”
     
    “I’m so sorry, Matt. I never wanted to hurt you. Leaving was all about my fears of commitment and trust. Believe me I’m here to help heal you and us, I think. Dr. Ginger believes that I’m capable of real love. I know that you’re the one who calls to me. I just hope it’s enough for you.”
     
    Matt’s crooked smile appears for the first time today. His face conveys dismay as well as hope. He doesn’t push back from me. We look at each other for several long moments.
     
    “Then you’ll consider taking me back?” I’m nearly pleading now with my eyes. Once again, I reach out and this time I rest my hands on his chest. He doesn’t pull away from our contact. That’s a good sign since it’s one of his most vulnerable areas.
     
    “These are my conditions,” he begins with a stern look on his face, “and you have to agree to all of them.”
     
    I stare at Matt for a moment and then nod my head to indicate that he should continue. I’m not sure that I can agree to any of his demands. However, I’m willing to try now.
     
    “First, we can’t engage in any sexual activity until you’re ready to commit to me, with love. I expect you’ll feel confident about your love for me; not conflicted about committing to me when we make love again. Agreed?”
     
    I’m stunned that Matt’s made such a rule. Sex has always been such a crucial part of our relationship. We’re both going to be deprived of a major source of comfort. I wonder if he can even handle that condition.
     
    “Does that mean we can’t even sleep in the same bed together?” I ask and nearly moan in pain at the thought.
     
    He considers my question for a few minutes before replying. “I don’t think I could control myself if you were sleeping next to me. You know how much I enjoy making love with you, Megan. For now, there should be no bed sharing between us. I can’t really enjoy sex without being in love.” His mouth looks stern as he establishes his ground rules.
     
    “But Matt, I don’t sleep well when you’re not holding me in your arms. It’s the safest, most wonderful feeling in the world. Please.”
     
    I know how difficult, if not impossible, it is for Matt to deny my requests when they’re accompanied by that magic word. Then I bat my big blue eyes at him with an innocent expression in them.
     
    “Oh